


What Is, Is

by engagemythrusters



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-15
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2018-12-15 20:20:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 25,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11813496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/engagemythrusters/pseuds/engagemythrusters
Summary: Luck may or may not be real, but it's hard not to believe in after crashing on an alien planet. Especially when the only survivors are a brand new Starship Captain, his stuffy Vulcan First Officer, the overenthusiastic Chief Engineer, the sassy Communications Officer, a cheeky nurse, and an inexperienced Lieutenant.





	1. A While Prior, Academy Years

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes at the end! Thanks for reading!

**JIM:**

“Jim, I swear to god…” Bones huffed and slapped Jim’s hand away from the last cookie. “You’re gonna be the death of me. Maybe I should let you have it. You’ll get sick and DIE and that’s the last I’ll ever have to hear from you again.”

Jim snorted. “Bones, I don’t think you’d know what to do without me.

Bones frowned, his eyes squinting as Jim deliberately ate the cookie in front of him. “Yes I do. I’d get the peace and quiet I deserve.”

Jim rolled his eyes and finished the cookie. Dr. Leonard McCoy, dubbed ‘Bones,’ wasn’t all that bad. Just the feistiest man to ever walk Earth. And the worst roommate anyone could have. Jim had decided from the day he met him that he would never associate with any other med student in Starfleet. Too much talk about health and not enough fun.

“Whatever. You know you’d miss me.” Jim put the plate in their sink and sat on the dingy couch next to Bones. That couch had gone through so much, no one had any idea how it was still holding together. “How’s the research going for ya?”

Scowling at his PADD, Bones turned it off. “Well, you were right. Yours truly made it on the list. And so did you. Some of the top scores of all cadets. Congrats to us.”

Sensing a ‘but,’ Jim sighed. “So… what is it?”

“Well, I just kinda… expected to be the top two. But we got beat out by some green-blooded hobgoblin.” Bones gave a disgusted sigh and threw the PADD on the couch next to him. “I don’t even know him and I want to wring his neck.”

Jim laughed, a sound often heard. “Now, Doctor, isn’t that against your policies?”

“Screw everything I stand for, that Vulcan's a dead man,” Bones said with a growl. “Betcha no one’ll miss that sucker.”

“I think I know who you’re talking about. That guy’s like one of the very few Vulcans in the ‘fleet. What’s his name? Spirk? Spork? Spoon?”

Bones gave him an incredulous look. “Keep guessing names like that and I’m gonna have to check that tongue of yours. As well as your head.”

Jim pouted at him. “Oh boohoo, you’re no fun. So, it’s that stuffy Vulcan, me, and then you. Who comes after?”

“Who said that you were before me? I certainly didn’t. Insufferable attention-hogging narcissist.”

“You didn’t have to say, we both know I can out-knowledge circles around you.” Jim clicked his tongue.

“Jim, that doesn’t even make sense!” Seeing his face, Bones gave in. “Fine. It’s you first and then me. Jeez. Anyway, after ME there’s a girl named Nyota Uhura, but she’s not much to pay attention to.”

“Oh?” That sent Jim’s eyebrows straight up. “Really? We’ll see about that.”

“James Tiberius Kirk, I swear. I tell you to leave something alone, and you pick it right up. This is how you’re gonna die. I’ll tell you ‘No Jim, DON’T touch that poisonous flower’ and you’re gonna do it.” He glared so hard Jim felt it make his skin crawl. How he still manages to do that, Jim has no idea. “She’s my friend, so if you go and screw it up, or, more importantly, HER up, I will personally come and kill you myself.”

“For a doctor, you talk about killing people far too much.”

“Yeah, well, I get to. Leave Uhura alone, get it?” Bones poked him hard with those ‘doctor fingers,’ as Jim liked to all them.

Jim blinked innocently at him. “I got it.”

“Sure kid. Sure.”

 

* * *

 

 

“27 different languages, Bones!” Jim rapped his knuckles on the PADD. “What is this girl on?”

“JIM!”

Jim fought to keep the PADD in his possession and read it at the same time. “It says here she is ‘fluent in 23 standard Federation languages and 4 Earth ones, as well as speaking a few others conversationally.’ Bones, someone wrote a paper on her!”

“Don’t… you… don’t you think… I’d know that already?” Bones struggled to pull the PADD away from him. “This… is… MINE, haha!”

Jim had let go of the PADD, having read what he deemed important. “Just how long have you two been together?”

Bones stared him down with his bright blue eyes. “Together? No, kid! We’re seriously just friends. She’s got a girlfriend. I think it’s that one Andorian you tried to kiss that one New Year’s Eve.”

Jim’s nose scrunched up. “The sociologist? The one with like, four PhD’s?”

“I think. Anyway, she’s my best friend. I’d contacted her girlfriend after you’d tried to make out with her, and Uhura had answered. She wasn’t as receptive at first. But I kept calling to be nice. She defrosted after like, the third call. So we hung out. It’s not every day you meet someone when your nerdy little friend tries to make out with someone’s nerdy girlfriend.”

“I thought I was your best friend,” Jim said with a put-out face. “And I’m not nerdy.”

“Chill, kid. I can have two best friends.” Bones ruffled Jim’s soft, golden hair. “And yes, you are. You’re literally dubbed ‘stack of books with legs.’ I think it’s incredible you get girls and guys swooning over you, you’re always busy with your studies. Now, don’t take that as a sign to go do all that crazy stuff you do when you’re not studying. Hoverbikes and rock climbing and who knows what else you get into.”

Jim huffed. “I’m good looking and everyone wants to be with me, and you know it. And it’s not nerdy, it’s prepping to be the best captain the ‘fleet’s ever seen.”

“Don’t make me laugh. You’re an odd combination of both nerdy and jock. And it’s all the fault of that jerkwad,” Bones scoffed.

Jim went quiet. “Please, don’t bring it up.”

“What, Gary? No, I think I get to damn well speak my mind about that kid. He was no good for you and I’m glad he’s gone.”

Jim’s eyes closed and everything washed over him. Gary. The smell of lavender and the feel of sunshine. Laughing in the gardens of the Academy. Dashing through thunderstorms to catch a quick kiss under overhangs of buildings. Gazing at the stars they hoped to someday reach. God, how much Jim hurt every time he heard that name.

Gary was the one Jim always thought he’d end up with. They’d met the first day at the Academy, a day Jim always thought was planted upon him by fate, but it turns out it was just a drunk bet Gary had made the night before. One of the many lies Jim had been fed.

Jim thought it was unfair of Bones to bring up Gary, especially when Bones had his own baggage to fuss about. “Whatever you say, ‘Len.’”

The look in Bones’s eyes was enough to let Jim know he took it too far. There was no point of bringing up the ex-wife. Nothing good ever came of it, as Jim learned after far too many nights after long shifts and too much bourbon.

“Sorry,” Jim said quietly, as he stared at his feet. “I didn’t… I didn’t mean to do that.”

Bones just looked sadly at him, silent and hurt. After what felt like too many minutes of too much silence, he simply said that all was fine and sat on that old couch.

Jim watched him carefully. There were so many things in both their pasts. So many thoughts that should just be cast aside, that are too painful to truly be brought into the light. So many things that can’t be touched, can’t be poked or prodded. So many things they both just wanted to leave behind.

When Jim had had enough of the silence he decided to approach Bones with an idea that was sure to bring the life back into him.

“Sooo… Bones,” he said cautiously, sliding onto the arm of the sofa.

Bones looked up slowly at Jim, one eyebrow cocked high and his eyes narrowed. “What now.”

“Bones, I was thinking. Well, no, I wasn’t really thinking, I was kind of… kind of…” he faltered at the piercing blue eyes giving him that look. That you’d-better-choose-your-next-words-carefully sort of look. “Look. I’m taking the Kobayashi Maru one last time tomorrow. Could you just help?”

Bones sighed and put his face in his hands. “Jimmyboy, this is the third time you’ve taken this goddamn thing. You’re not going to get any further this time than the last.”

Jim smiled. “Actually, I think I might. I may have found a way to beat it.”

Bones whipped his head up at him. “No way. Kid, no one has ever beaten that thing. No one. What makes you think that you’re any different?”

Jim shrugged and his grin widened. “Luck?”

“There’s no such thing as luck and you know it. You tell me so all the time.”

“Just… wait till tomorrow, okay? I’ve got it figured out.”

“Alright. Just don’t do anything stupid. Don’t give me that look, you do stupid things all the time.”

The two said their goodnights, and Jim went to bed with a tingling excitement and a fitful night of terrible nightmares. Then again, that wasn’t new to him.

 

* * *

 

 

“Jim, wake up.”

There was a rough shaking, and Jim grunted. The bed was warm and cozy. Not only that, it was one of those special mornings where the bed felt just right. Like his body wasn’t supposed to move, and it felt as if the mattress was made extra special to fit him perfectly. It was amazing.

“Jim. Get. Up.”

He groaned again to make his intentions clear. He wasn’t leaving his bed. Not ever. Not even if a pack of wild dogs came in and started to eat him alive. Then again…

“JIM I WILL STAB YOU WITH ALL THE HYPOS IN THE WORLD.”

Bones had his mouth right next to Jim’s ear and he was shouting. The hot breath was bad enough, but now his ear was ringing slightly. Yep. Bones was definitely worse than a pack of wild dogs.

And then Jim remembered what day it was.

“Shoot. Shoot shoot shoot. What time is it?” He rolled out of bed and grabbed his clothes and pulled them on in a hurry.

“Ten minutes until we’re supposed to be there, Jim. And that’s my shirt.” Bones had moved to the door and leaned against the frame, crossing his arms.

Jim discarded the shirt and grabbed another, only sparing a few seconds to check if it was his. “Are you just going to stand there, or are you going to help?”

“Psh, he asks me if I’m going to help. Jim, I just woke you up. I’m volunteering to play dead for you. That’s enough from me, I think,” he grouched.

“You’re not going to need to play dead. Like I said, I’ve got it figured out. All you need to do is just listen, and all will go according to what I’ve planned.” Jim hurried past Bones.

As he headed out the door, he grabbed two apples. One he ate on the way there, which Bones yelled at him for. Apparently it’s ‘hazardous to one’s health if they eat and run at the same time.’

Jim thought that this simulation was more hazardous to him than some apple. The Kobayashi Maru was a test that hopeful future command cadets took. As it was always Jim’s goal to become a captain, he needed to take this. He’d already taken it twice, but he had failed. While it that was the whole entire point of the simulation, to test no-win scenarios, Jim didn’t believe in those. Luck and no-win scenarios were two things James T. Kirk had never believed in, and never would.

They arrived there with just barely enough time for a quick breather.

“Right. Okay. So. Bones, I know I’m gonna beat this. There’s no way I can’t. The problem isn’t that it’ll fail, it’s what comes after.” Jim looked at Bones apologetically.

 Bones’s face was one of pure horror. “Good god, Jim. What. Did. You. Do.”

Jim was glad they were whisked into the simulation at that point, because he had no way to respond to his friend’s disappointment. He just held his remaining apple and hoped they didn’t object to him eating in there. Besides, there were worse things he could do.

 

* * *

 

 

When Jim was pulled out of the simulation by the arm by some official supervisor or something, there were glares of those participating with him, Bones hissing both reassurance and abuse in his ear, and the ogling of bystanders.

“Insubordination, cheating, tampering with Starfleet property.” the man dragging him along was spat through his teeth. “You kids. You all think you are allowed to do these things.”

The stares and silence were deafening, it was as if everything was rushing in his ears. Everything felt wrong, but in a different way than anyone would think. He still thought he was right. But everything else… well, everything else felt so wrong it knocked the breath out of him.

Bones had fallen behind them, and the face he made was a mixture of worry and anger. Jim turned to face forward. Everything was going in slow motion. He thought if this were one of those movies from centuries ago, there would be climactic music here. But there wasn’t. There was just the ever increasing loudness of the silence. Faces blurred.

Somehow, he ended up sat in front of a desk. To whom the desk belonged, he did not know. What he did know is that his future in Starfleet hinged on this moment, and the outlook was not good. So he sat in the chair provided and stared at the massive painting of a starship on the wall behind the desk.

 “Cadet Kirk, you’ve just landed yourself in a massive pile of shit.”

 

* * *

 

 

Jim walked into the dorm, jacket dragging behind him and keys jingling in his hands. He stood in the door for a few seconds staring at the floor, while the eyes of his best friend and a select few others over for the news pelted the top of his head with gazes hard enough to destroy suns.

When he looked up he saw Bones with an expressionless face, the new face of Nyota Uhura, and Nyota Uhura’s Andorian girlfriend. Other friends stood there as well, such as Thomas Leighton, Hikaru Sulu, Christine Chapel, Carol Marcus, and Ben Finney. But two faces didn’t fit with the rest of the crowd. One he zeroed in on right away.

It was a face he never actually wanted to see. But nevertheless, the sight of him still sent butterflies to his stomach. Gary Mitchell, the man himself. Or, rather, the snake. Probably that one snake that was sent from the Garden of Eden by God. Or at least that’s what Jim thought of him.

Jim barely noticed the green tinge of the skin of the man in the background. All he could see was that goddamn FACE. The first face he fell in love with (if he excluded Ruth, which Ruth wholeheartedly agreed with). Gary watched him with eyes that held some emotion Jim couldn’t pinpoint. Jim’s eyes narrowed.

Sensing animosity, Bones slid past the staring eyes and lightly touched his elbow.

“There was no way to stop him,” Bones whispered softly to him.

Good. Bones was on his side. He needed that.

“Why not? This is our room,” hissed Jim. “Actually, forget it. Why is everyone else here?”

Bones removed his hand and joined the group. “We’re all here to show support. You know. Unless you get kicked out. You didn’t, did you?”

Jim shrugged. “I don’t know. I have a hearing early tomorrow morning. You’re welcome to come if you want to watch me lose my future.”

Carol came up and gave him a hug. “Hey, if it’s any consolation, I don’t think you’re going to get kicked out.”

“Thanks, Carol.” He smiled at her and tried to keep his mind away from Gary and whatever emotion came with him. He threw his red jacket on the couch, which everyone was avoiding with good reason.

“But,” she said. “There’s, um. Something I’d like to discuss with you sometime soon. Not today, or tomorrow. But soon.”

He inwardly groaned. How much more news was he going to be subjected to? “Sure thing.”

Bones had awkwardly pushed himself back to Jim around the tiny sitting room. “Nyota says she’s sorry, but she left.”

“Wonderful. That’s great, Bones.”

“Hey, they wanted to come. They just don’t know you as well as the others. And some others know you too well.” Bones eyed someone. Jim didn’t need to look to think he knew it was Gary. He still was missing the one extra face in the crowd. “Hey, just… hang in there until tomorrow, okay?”

Jim’s eyes finally met Gary’s again. “Yeah. Okay.”

Gary moved forward through the small crowd, who all seemed to be more excited about this than they should be. They were all discussing what tomorrow would hold for poor Cadet Kirk. Jim felt as if they maybe didn’t care so much about his feelings. Which is why what he knew would happen next was so hard.

 

* * *

 

 

When Jim woke up at what Bones called ‘the ass-crack of dawn,’ he immediately put his face in his hands and gave a small sob. What had he done? He looked at the sleeping body next to him. God, he hated himself. Why had he been so weak?

He rolled out of his bed, but tried to keep the figure from waking. He stood in his small, dark room for a good few minutes, regretting his actions. Not the Kobayashi Maru, no. That had been a true judgement of his character, and if the ‘fleet couldn’t take it, then they couldn’t take him. He was worried that what he had done last night was also a judgement of his character.

He pushed the thought away and dressed silently. He entered the tiny kitchen that joined with the sitting room. Bones was already there. They stood in the darkness, just looking at each other.

Bones was the first to speak. “He still in there?”

Jim nodded. “Yeah.”

Jim started to stay “Listen, I…” as Bones said “I’ll get him out.”

They stared awkwardly for a second, before Jim broke the silence.

“Thanks. I’m going running.”

He turned and left. He slowly made it out the building into the dark morning. All was quiet like it always was. He sighed and started a slow jog.

The stars had faded into the new morning sky, yet it was not light yet. The sun close to rising, and the stillness of it all felt natural to Jim. He was used to the darkness, as he had pulled many all-nighters in the name of good studying. If the Academy missed that today, well, he was doomed.

Eventually, he had to stop. The cadence of his breathing and the rhythm of his feet drove his thoughts into spirals of worry and anxiety. He sat on the nearest bench and put his face in his hands.

He sat there until the sun started to peak out over the horizon, a welcome sight. While Jim loved the darkness, today it was driving him insane. The thoughts of the actions he took yesterday just didn’t sit with him. He picked himself up and trudged his worries back home.

When he had gotten back, the sun was well up and the crows had started to caw loudly. Entering his dorm, he saw that Bones had made him coffee and toast. He took the offered plate and mug and sat down. Bones shortly joined him with his own food and drink.

“Look,” Bones said. “We don’t need to talk about it. I’m giving you a free out today.”

“Thankfth,” Jim mumbled through a mouth of toast.

“I got ass-face out of here. You’re welcome. Next time he comes here, I’m decking him.”

Swallowing, Jim turned to stare at his grouchy roommate. “Why’d you let him in here in the first place?”

“Oh, he threatened to climb back in the window. I could either let him in or get you in more trouble,” Bones said as he blew steam off his coffee. “Anyway, he woke up and asked where you went. I threw his pants at him and told him he wasn’t wanted. And that if I saw his sorry ass anywhere near you again, I’d peel his corneas off, dice up his retinas, and feed them to him for breakfast.”

Jim chuckled. “Well, I’m sure he’s never going to come here again. Not with those threats.”

He suddenly scowled. “Wait. Why did you have his pants?”

Bones shrugged. “I may or may not have stood over your bed angrily crashing pots together to wake him up.”

“Jesus Christ, Bones. You’re a wild man!” Jim laughed dryly, still not completely alright yet.

“What can I say, it’s just my southern charm.” Bones lightly punched him on the arm. “What time’s the hearing?”

“Three. You gonna come save my ass again?”

 “Somebody’s gotta. This is like the fiftieth favor you owe me, by the way. You’d better start paying up.” Bones squinted at him. “Like, with staying out of trouble. Or your family cow. Either works.”

“Bones, I don’t HAVE a family cow.”

“Which is why you have to start keeping yourself out of trouble. Seriously, kid. You’re allergic to almost everything on this goddamn planet, you do reckless stunts, and you never sleep. You’re the bane of my existence, both as a doctor and your friend,” Bones growled. “Start being nice to yourself or I’ll murder you.”             

The two sat there on the couch for hours, talking and playing games. Jim said he didn’t want to do anything, it would just make him think about last night. Bones, being a kind man, let his friend rant to him and beat him at everything they played. Not like he would win anyways. No one has a brain like Jim. He told Jim as much, as well as reassured him that if anyone was going to kick him out of the Academy, they would be wrong to do so. Because NO ONE had a brain like James T. Kirk.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, okay. So this is an AU, which means I can tamper with backstories all I want, right? At least, that's what I keep telling myself. So, Gary was in the picture, Uhura knows like 27 languages, Spock is in the Academy at the same time as them, etc. And later things may get even crazier. Um, okay. So I wrote the characters as how I read them, so they're a mix of TOS and AOS. Also, the lines are passing of time, but you probably picked up on that. 
> 
> Knowing full well you didn't have to read this but did anyway has made my day and I thank you all! You're amazing. I love y'all!


	2. A While Prior, Academy Years Pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative titles: 'Spock Hates People' 
> 
> Notes at the bottom, thank you all for reading! Enjoy!

** SPOCK: **

S’chn T’gai Spock followed a few steps behind Nyota Uhura and her girlfriend, Tyraa Zh'shrotros. They seemed to not mind public displays of affection, as they were leaning on each other and laughing. Spock noticed their hands were intertwined, and recalled that with humans, hand holding was not scandalous in public, but rather a display of belonging. As Tyraa was not human, but rather an Andorian, Spock was still unsure if the act was as inoffensive as it seemed. Nevertheless, it was not his place to speculate.

He walked slowly behind them towards their apartment. He suspected they were engaged in the romantic ritual known to humans as ‘teasing,’ as they were saying things to each other that would be rather socially unacceptable were they not laughing along with it. The culture here on Earth was very curious. It was very frequently illogical.

“Ny, you’re such an ass! I’m waaaay better than key lime pie.” Tyraa shoved Nyota, which was unexpected. Her behavior was very human, even for an Andorian born on Earth. Spock decided to ask about her origins later.

“No, you idiot! Key lime pie is my favorite thing. Nothing will change that. Especially not some blue chick stealing my clothes.” Nyota shoved her back. She then proceeded to grab Tyraa’s arm and pull her in for a kiss. Odd.

They continued this illogical behavior until they reached their apartment building. At that point, all efforts had been devoted to looking for keys to let themselves in. They argued going up the elevator, as Spock stood in the corner, still observing them. They eventually found the correct key before they reached their flat.

When they entered, Nyota threw her purse on the small table next to the door. It collided with a pot that appeared to hold an aloe plant.

“Careful! Don’t hit Mr. Corolla!” Tyraa seemed very upset.

“I do not understand. Who is this Mr. Corolla and how does this relate with Nyota’s purse hitting the aloe plant?” Spock frowned.

“Oh my god! Spock! How long have you been here?” Nyota jumped and stared at him, clutching her heart.

“You asked me to come.” Spock blinked. “Is your heart alright? Should I call-”

“No, no no. That’s alright. You startled me.” Nyota laughed. “My heart is fine.”

“You did ask him to come, dear,” said Tyraa. “And Mr. Corolla IS the aloe plant.”

“Corolla. The petals of a flower. I assume you named the plant as such because the aloe plant is a tepal, where the petals and sepals of a flower are indistinguishable,” said Spock, trying to understand. “However, I do not understand why you would name a plant. That is highly illogical. It has no need for a name, as it is not sentient.”

“Spock, sometimes people name things they have emotional attachments to. Like a pet.” Nyota touched his arm gently. Spock stared down it, and she retracted her hand and sighed. “Right. No touching. I mean, since it IS an emotional thing, I wouldn’t expect you to firmly grasp the concept.”

“I cannot ‘grasp’ the concept, as concepts are not tangent. It is an idea.” Spock reminded her. This was common knowledge, were humans really this forgetful?

“SPOCK. Come on. You should know that one by now. You’ve been here on Earth long enough to pick up on these things.” She sighed and shook her head.

“Um, the plant was given to me? Don’t hate on his name. My sister’s a biologist here. It was a gift from her,” Tyraa said, clicking her shockingly blue tongue. Her hands were on her hips, and clearly upset.

“The plant is not a ‘he’ as you had referred, plants-”

“Spock!” Nyota rolled her eyes in a display of irritation. “We aren’t Vulcans, we’re not all as literal as you!”

“Right. I am sorry, Tyraa, for what you called ‘hating on his name.’ I shall be more considerate of your more Earth-based culture and try to take things less literally.” Spock folded his hands behind his back.

Tyraa pursed her lips. “It’s all fine. Just leave the rest of my plants alone, okay?”

Spock looked around the apartment. There were a large amount of plants scattered around. There were hanging baskets dangling down from the ceiling sporadically. Each basket was filled to the brim with its own species. The counter of the kitchen that wasn’t already covered was occupied by more pots and vases. In fact, the kitchen sink was completely sealed with dirt to hold a variety of succulents.

“May I inquire as to why there are so many plants?” Spock asked, perplexed.

“Like I said, my sister is a biologist. Specifically a botanist. She sends us samples of all her favorite plants. She stays over frequently and likes to be surrounded by plants.” Tyraa shrugged. “Besides, I kinda like it. I don’t think I’d want to live somewhere without all these guys.”

“Do they also have names?” inquired Spock.

“They do. Every last one of them. Some are things only my sister would understand, cause, you know. Botany. Some of them I named, so they’re funny.” She pointed to a tiny cactus. “He’s named Octopus. Cacti, cactus. Octopi, octopus. Ny hates it.”

“No, I don’t hate it. I just think it’s kinda ridiculous, that’s all.” Nyota glared at her girlfriend.

“Whatever,” she said. “You should see our bathroom. That’s where all the dishes are. We’re pretty insane.”

“I have no knowledge of your mental health, but as you are, as you mentioned in a previous conversation earlier this night, a psychologist, I shall take your word.” Spock looked around the small space. “May I ask a question of a personal matter?”

“Fire away.” Tyraa walked over to a chair covered in cushions and pillows and flopped down.

Assuming this was an expression, Spock asked, “Why do you not live in the dorms? I am sure it is far more efficient in numerous ways.”

Nyota offered him a chair, and after he took a seat, she managed to fit herself into the same chair as Tyraa. “Scootch. What Tyraa failed to mention is that apartment actually IS her sister’s. She wanted to keep it, so when she moved out, Tyraa moved in. And then I moved in. So here we are.”

“Might I ask another?” Spock found it very uncomfortable to keep proper posture in the chair. Perhaps it was because it was well worn-in. Or maybe the excess amount of pillows that also adorned it.

Tyraa gestured something, and again, Spock had to assume that was a ‘yes.’ “Why am I here? Is there some sort of social standard to come over to one’s house late at night?”

“No, we were just doing it to be friendly. Friends visit each other’s houses every so often. And it’s been a while since we’ve hung out,” Nyota explained. “And hanging out is another expression.”

“Ah. It has indeed been a while, as I have been caught up in my studies,” said Spock. “I notice you have been as well.”

“Oh, yeah. Well, what can I say? I’ve been working hard to beat Kirk’s ass.” Nyota ran her fingers through Tyraa’s silvery hair. “Speaking of which… that was one bold thing of him to do.”

“Bold is hardly the word to use.” Spock folded his hands on his lap. “I think ‘wrong’ or ‘ill-advised’ is a more appropriate choice.”

“I suppose. I didn’t even know you knew Kirk.”

“I have monitored Cadet Kirk’s progress as well as yours. Tonight was the first time I have seen him in person.” Spock watched Nyota’s rhythmic approach to stroking her girlfriend’s hair. It seemed to have a soothing effect on Tyraa.

“Yeah, that’s slightly creepy, Spock.” Tyraa sighed.

“I am supposed to stand at his hearing. The Kobayashi Maru is, after all, partly my test. I came to the informal gathering at his dorm to witness his character, to enlighten me before tomorrow.”

He wondered if the stroking had some symbolic purpose or if Nyota was truly attempting to cleanse her significant other. Spock decided to ask them, but at the moment it seemed rather out of place.

“Wait… is that something you can do?” Nyota’s hands stilled. She was paying rapt attention, with such a fierce look of severity it shocked Spock. Almost.

“I did not think you were too fond of Cadet Kirk, as many of our conversations have been about how you are furious with him. I took it that you were upset that he has been beating you in your studies.” He cocked his head to the side, a trait he unfortunately had picked up from far too much human contact.

“Well, yeah. He’s an ass and I want to take him down. But he works hard, so it’s not like I can withhold credit.” She frowned. Tyraa groaned, pulling at Nyota’s hand. “Stop it, Tyraa. Besides, I owe Len a favor. I’d just like to get that out of the way.”

Spock was not so sure that was the real reason she was interested in helping the infamous cadet. “I am uninformed as to what will happen in the hearing; however, should you wish to help, I would not be adverse to someone accompanying me. For… reasons I think you already understand.”

Nyota gave a half smile with understanding hidden in her dark eyes. “Of course, Spock. Anything for my friends.”

“Thank you.” Noting the time, Spock decided it was an appropriate time to leave. He couldn’t be sure, for he did not know the social customs for staying at a friend’s house. He placed it next to asking about hair grooming for the next visit. “I should leave now. I shall come back to collect you at precisely 1400 hours tomorrow.”

Nyota unwound herself from her girlfriend and showed Spock to the door. “When does the hearing start?”

“1500 hours.”

“Oh my god, you’re picking me up a whole HOUR ahead of time?” Nyota’s eyes widened.

“I wish to be punctual. As well as prepare myself thoroughly beforehand. Is that alright?” Spock stood in the entryway, frowning slightly.

“Oh, Spock, yeah. That’s completely okay.” The same understanding creeped back into her eyes. She reached a hand out to touch his arm. Spock pulled sharply away. “Oh, god. Sorry. I forgot- sorry.”

“That is alright, Nyota. Goodnight.” Spock turned to leave. Nyota shut the door quietly behind him.

As Spock walked, his mind was filled with illogical dread. He tried to push it down, but it would not budge. He sighed. He needed to meditate as soon as he got home. For the second time today. Perhaps prolonged exposure to humans has had a deeper effect on him than he had initially predicted would when he moved to Earth. The position in the Vulcan Science Academy seemed so much more pleasant now.

That mattered not. Spock had chosen his own path. Of the three offered to him, this had been the one that had appealed to him the most. Conceivably not the most logical option, but nevertheless, his choice.

The first option was to enter the Vulcan Science Academy. There he was free to choose a field to study- most likely astrophysics. He would then continue to work for them until it was logical to retire.

Spock had chosen the second of his options: Starfleet. To boldly go where no half Vulcan has gone before.  A noble choice for anyone, but unfortunately not for Spock son of Sarek.

The third path was to follow in his father’s footsteps, as his father had done with his grandfather, and his grandfather with his great grandfather. He would become the Vulcan ambassador to Earth. This was the most logical choice, for taking the position was expected of him. It was tradition, and on Vulcan, tradition was strictly followed, no matter how illogical. Refusing to take it had set Spock and his father into a feud which ended rather nastily. Not taking it to enter the VSA would have been one thing, but leaving Vulcan to enter Starfleet was something else entirely.

Which reminded Spock he also wished to speak with his mother. Waiting for a shuttle to take him home, he opted to put off his meditating to call her. He felt an illogical tug of something in his chest. He’d have to make the conversation quick, he really needed to meditate.

He attempted to half-meditate on the shuttle, but unfortunately he was sharing it with a family. He closed his eyes in an attempt to make it easier. It wasn’t. There was a small child that kept trying to speak with him. He was unsure how to communicate to the youth that he did not wish to exchange words with it. The parents were tending to a baby, so they were not paying attention to their child. So he took a deep breath in and ignored it until his stop. He exited rather quickly and rushed far too much to be socially acceptable for a Vulcan to reach his room.

Spock stood in his doorway and took long breaths to quench the small flicker of dread and anxiety still left. He closed his eyes to the tumult that was his mind. Quiet. Calm. When he opened his eyes again, he made his way to a chair and pulled out his PADD.

He was mildly surprised to see that there was a missed call from Amanda Grayson. Did his mother know he wanted to speak somehow? That was illogical, she was not telepathic. Even if she were, her reach could not be strong enough to hear thoughts from Earth all the way on Vulcan. The notification said it was from hours ago, before he had even thought about calling her, so that ruled that out completely. So why had his mother reached out to him? It was illogical to speculate when he could just call her. He established a connection and waited for her to pick up.

“Spock!” Hearing his mother’s voice made his heart leap. He desperately needed to meditate. Yet he could not deny that he was immensely pleased to see her.

“Mother.” He tried to be cordial as always, but allowed some of his illogical emotion seep into his voice solely for her benefit. Or that’s what he told himself.

Her eyes were dripping in love and happiness and her eyes were wide. “Oh, Spock! I was going to call you earlier, but it seems like you were busy.”

“I was out. What was it you wished to say earlier?” He had to admit to himself, it did feel better to talk to her.

Her face went suddenly dark. “Spock, dear, I wish you’d talk to your father. This would be far nicer coming from him.”

“I am sure Father is busy with other matters. Were he not, I am certain he would prefer not to speak with me. Besides,” he said, hoping to not offend, “news is news no matter who it comes from. Who says it does not change what has happened.”

“I suppose not. But I still wish you would speak to your father.” She sighed, her dark eyes sad. “And don’t play it off on him. This is a mutual argument. Your stubborn Vulcan pride.”

“Mother.”

“Dear, your grandfather’s father has died.” Amanda’s voice was solemn. “Last night. Spock, I’m so sorry.”

Despite his mother’s tone, he was not affected by this. He had only met Solkar a total of three times. Once after his birth, and twice when he was taking a spiritual trip to ShiKahr, when he had stayed at their house briefly. Those trips were long ago. This was not what troubled him.

“Mother, why are you sorry?” Spock was slightly confused. “This is no fault of yours. Unless you killed him. Ko-mekh, you did not kill Solkar, did you?”

Amanda’s eyes went wide. “Darling, no! He died from the Bendii Syndrome, dear. I am sorry because… well, it’s very human of me. I guess that-”

“Mother,” said Spock abruptly, “I have meditated once for the day and I need to do so again.”

His mother went very quiet, with sadness and understanding written in her face. “Too many people?”

To his dismay, Spock found himself nodding like a child. “I am not sure I have made the correct and logical decision coming to Earth.”

“Oh, honey. Not all ideas are correct and logical. Gut feelings are okay.”

“Not for a Vulcan,” whispered Spock.

“And you are not Vulcan.” Her tone was sharp, yet warm and loving. “Tell me why you need to meditate again. Maybe that will help.”

Illogically hoping, he complied with her wish. “Today someone beat my Kobayashi Maru test. His roommate invited people over to practice the human ritual of ‘cheering one up.’ I went to go investigate this cadet. I must be present at his hearing tomorrow.”

Her eyes filled with that same emotion Nyota Uhura had earlier. Spock was beginning to grow tired of this for some reason. Whatever reason, it was most likely illogical. “Is this the first time you’ve needed to meditate twice in a day?”

“No, ko-mekh. I have often needed to meditate twice as of late.” He felt a prickle of shame. Why was he feeling so many emotions? Well, he knew why he was feeling emotions, but some of them have nothing to do with that reason. “I am not sure I made the correct decision in joining Starfleet.”

“Why?” Her tone was curt.

Spock was taken aback. “I am not faring well here, mother. I am… afraid… I cannot do this.”

“Spock. Do you love what you’re doing?” There was a deep sigh, suggesting a lesson to follow.

“Yes, however-”

“Then just do me one small favor, dear. Don’t quit.” His mother’s face was strong. “I know you face much because of what and who you are. I know you face even more than that. But I also know that you can do this.”

“I am uncertain how you would know that. Have you gained extra sensory perception and looked into the future, mother?”

“No. But a mother knows her son, Spock. So when I say you can do it, you can. You are gifted in ways Vulcans and humans aren’t. I know you go through so many things every day. I sympathize with your wish to remain away from social interaction. But you have the ability to do so much for so many people. So do not give up. If not for your sake, then for all the people you will help in your life. You owe them that much.”

“You seem to imply that the prospect of me perhaps helping people is of more importance than my own wellbeing. I fail to see how this is logical, as you are often telling me to ‘take care of yourself, Spock.’” Spock said.

“Spock don’t sass me. That’s twice in the last minute and I won’t have it from you.” He immediately felt sorry. He did care about his mother. “Spock, I’m going to tell you something. It may not make much sense to you now. It may not ever. It’s probably not even logical. But here it is: the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one.” Seeing his face, Amanda added on. “The deeds you do will one day pay off, and you will be the pivotal spark in a chain of events that will save the lives of many. You can’t tell me that you’re willing to quit and come back to Vulcan and let the future go on without that one single moment.”

“Mother, we cannot know the future,” Spock ventured, “So how can you possibly kn-“

“Because I do. One day, you will too. Don’t throw it all out now. Weave your path. The world has a place for you. You just need to tough out this rough spot.” Her eyes were lit with a burning fire. Spock found himself unable to look directly at them, and stared at her hair instead. It almost seemed to be grayer than before. Was she ageing? “But do not take any of this as a sign I don’t love you. I do love you. Very much. I am prouder than any mother in any world ever.”

Spock was not so sure about the statistics of that, but let it slide, knowing full well humans loved the hyperbole. He wished to tell her he loved her too, but he was unsure of how to do so.

“Spock, as always, I will support you. Any choice you make I will stand behind. But I refuse to sit here and let you leave something that you love behind. For the sake of those future people you will come to save, I will not let you quit.” Amanda sighed. “I love you dearly, never doubt that. Your struggles are mine, your burdens I bear with you. I know that you despise social interaction. I know that your days are filled with lots of unpleasantries that fill you with things you yourself don’t understand. I know it’s hard. But you can do it. I believe in you.”

“Thank you, mother.” The gratitude made his mother smile. It gave Spock a small sensation he couldn’t quite understand. “I shall consider your words as I meditate tonight.”

“That’s right. You do that. Goodnight, dear. I love you.”

“I know, ko-mekh, you said that already.” Upon seeing her face, he added: “I care for you as well.”

He discontinued the connection. The beaming face of Amanda Grayson and her raised ta’al went blank. He stared at it for a few seconds before setting the empty PADD aside. After a few more moments of silence, he stood to prepare himself to meditate. Tomorrow was going to be an arduous task to accomplish.

* * *

 

Spock spent the early morning studying Cadet Kirk’s accomplishments. He was not surprised to see all of what he had done. Despite Nyota describing him as an idiot quite frequently, the facts suggested he was, in fact, not. James Tiberius Kirk was quite accomplished in his studies and extracurriculars alike. The cadet should be proud of himself, as this is what humans would deem worthy of pride. How illogical.

He ate a small meal and drank tea. Neither were particularly tasteful, but they were sufficient. They would last him until the next meal he need to eat. Which could be sooner or later, depending on how many lessons he needed to step in for, how many people he needed to tutor, and how many others needed his help on miscellaneous projects. Far too often the breakfast had ended up being the only meal he ate.

He changed quickly and attempted to leave. He was stopped by his neighbor’s cat, who, as usual, wound around his legs in the hallway, attempting to get a quick pet in. Spock obliged. He stooped down to pet the dark furred creature. He looked around to see if there was anyone about. There was no one. He picked the cat up and held it gently as if it were a child. But also not like it was a child. Were it a child, he probably wouldn’t have picked it up. Cats are one thing, but children are a whole different breed of animal entirely. He buried his face in the cat’s soft fur for a few moments, then set the cat down. It protested, but Spock did have to leave.

On his commute to his first tutor session, he was still reading the files of the cadet. There was so much to learn about this man. He didn’t even know where to begin, which was unusual for Spock. His family? His father was a part of Starfleet and his brother was moving away to become a colonist on Deneva with his newlywed wife. His early school and test grades? All perfect. Not to mention that he was very handsome and seemed to interact socially with ease and a finesse that seemed unreasonable for someone with their nose in a book most of the time. Spock was beginning to feel a sense of fascination with this man. He was superior to, it seemed, everyone save Spock himself.

There did seem to be a small patch of time missing from Cadet Kirk’s files. Spock couldn’t make much of it, for how could one make something out of nothing? But it was noteworthy. Should Spock ever meet the cadet again under different circumstances, perhaps he would ask. Until then, there would be a giant hole of time in Kirk’s life that remained unknown.

The missing time was soon forgotten as he had arrived at the Academy, and had to search out a man named Stiles. When he did find him, he found the man to be far too enthusiastic. It unsettled Spock in a way he didn’t much enjoy. Not that either of those emotions should be felt.

* * *

 

Spock spent most of his morning and early afternoon being shunted around from person to person. Lots of people had no clue what they were doing, it seemed. Spock often wondered why they bothered to join Starfleet if they didn’t enough to be there in the first place. He offered his services anyway.

He was so invested in helping an Orion girl with understanding the multiverse theory that he almost was late to picking up Nyota. It wasn’t going well, anyway. She kept trying to flirt with him. It was unsuccessful, of course.

Raised an eyebrow a final time at her roaming fingers. They got far too close to his hands for the last time. She sighed and pulled them away. “You’re no fun.”

“Most likely. However, I do not see what fun there is in unwelcome advances.” Spock closed his textbook, ready to pack up.

She looked rather uncomfortable. “Well, when you put it like that…”

“What other way is there to put it? They were quite unwelcome.”  Spock stood and turned away. “I shall see you again when you need me.”

“Wait. Why were they unwelcome? Orions are supposed to be irresistible!” The girl seemed rather distressed.

“I am Vulcan. We do not feel as the men you are accustomed to often do.” He tilted his head slightly to the side. “That and I do not- to use human colloquial- ‘swing that way.’ Now, goodbye.”

Spock shouldered his book bag and pulled out his PADD to inform Nyota that he would be there to pick her up in ten minutes. He walked deliberately and made no eye contact with anyone. It helped that he was taller than most humans. He brushed past a person with a heavy Russian accent asking for directions. The last thing he needed right now was unwarranted social interaction.

He arrived at Nyota’s door precisely one minute before 1400. He waited until the clock reached the hour before knocking.

Nyota opened the door with a smiling face. She was truly a human beauty. “Ready to go?”

“That is what I am meant to ask you, Nyota. As you have asked me, though, it must be assumed that you are truly ready?”

“I am!” She shut the door behind her, but not before Spock caught a glimpse of Tyraa. She seemed to be pulling a shirt on. Spock blinked and banished a quick thought. It was not polite to wonder such things.

They walked together to the tall academy buildings in silence. Spock had nothing to say. Nyota was observing the silence out of respect, as it seemed to Spock she was filled with unasked questions and excited comments. He was grateful she chose to keep it all in.

Upon reaching the hall outside the room where the hearing was to be, he turned to her. “I am still unsure as to your usefulness in the trial, but I am thankful you chose to accompany me here. I shall now review more of Cadet Kirk’s files. You are welcome to tell me things that may be of importance.”

Nyota gave a half smile. “Alrighty, I’ll do that. I’ll make sure no one talks to you, either.”

“Thank you, Nyota.” Spock sat down on a bench, and yet again pulled out his PADD to examine Cadet Kirk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um, okay. I haven't posted in a while, sorry, I've been super busy. But notice all the references I've made?! Also keep this chapter in mind- lots of these things may pop up later.   
> Whoops, I started out kinda choppy with Spock and ended rather sloppy.  
> I'm also not sure how to write the hearing because 1: not sure how the TOS version of it went down, 2: not sure about hearing protocols, and 3: I don't know who's prospective it's going to be in. If anyone's got some suggestions, tell me please!!  
> Also about Tyraa, I'm not entirely sure about Andorian genders and pronouns... I know there's 4 (2 "male" and 2 "female") but other than that I know not much else. So that's why I'm using she/her.  
> You all are gems, thanks for reading! I promise to get these out faster!


	3. A While Prior, Academy Years Pt. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I'm a bit late! But thanks for sticking with it!

**Jim:**

Bones pulled Jim by the arm to the hearing nearly thirty minutes beforehand. Jim protested a little, but was honestly glad. He needed a good little bit to prepare.

“Okay. One last time. First the council is going to have their own little briefing. Then we all gather and they read your charges and such. They give a statement, you give a statement. They tell their side of the story and then they get questioned. Next you tell your side and then they question you. Then they pull witnesses. Then you pull me up as a witness. Then everyone gives their closing statements and then the council deliberates. If you’re found not guilty, they let you off. If you are, they pull character witnesses and then decide your punishment.” Bones said, fussing about Jim’s appearance like a mother.

“Yeah, I know,” uttered Jim glumly. He’d read all of this over and over again until his brain hurt. Which Bones just said was a tension headache. “The thing is, I am guilty. This is the end of my Starfleet career.”

“Sure, you cheated, but maybe that’s not a bad thing.” Jim shot him a look of incredulity, and Bones shrugged. “Hey, kid, you had a solution. It can’t be too bad, right?”

“Nah, man. You should have heard that one officer screaming at me.” He pointed. “That’s the room.”

“I did hear him. Speaking of which, whose office did he drag you to? You never told me.” Bones finally let go of Jim’s arm.

“Doesn’t matter. I can’t tell you right now. Might just get me into more trouble.” Jim shifted around uncomfortably, until something caught his eye.

“How on God’s Earth can you be in any-”

Jim had silenced him with a wave of his hand. He was staring across the hall. “Okay. Who’s the cute one over there?”

“Come on, Jim, you know Uhura. You literally looked her up after me yelling at you not to,” grunted Bones.

“No, no. The Vulcan.”

“Jim, that’s the half Vulcan Spock. You know, the only one beating your ass.” His eye roll was almost audible. “He was over last night, didn’t you see him?”

Jim didn’t answer. He was staring at the figure, entranced. There was something mysterious about him. Tall, dark, and handsome. The haircut was almost comical, but it somehow seemed to suit him. His crisp uniform emphasized the clean cut. He seemed perfectly put together, somehow too perfect. It was intriguing to say the least.

“Hm. Well, is he here to help me or speak against me?” inquired Jim, slowly and thoughtfully. “Cause it’ll totally make up my mind on him. I can’t really tell if I dislike him or not.”

“I actually don’t know. He’s a Vulcan, so it would be a real bonus to have him on our side. But then again, he’s probably on the side of the ever righteous council.” Bones glared sideways at him.

Suddenly the Vulcan named Spock looked up at him. Jim sucked a breath in and straightened up. He tugged his uniform taught. The Vulcan just blinked. Neither broke eye contact. Jim felt every last twitch and twinge his body made. It was as if the stranger had some sort of x-ray vision. All of his flaws were put under a magnifying glass, he felt raw and exposed. The moment passed as the man turned his gaze back to his PADD. The motion was rather, well… majestic. The Vulcan had such an elegant, graceful air about him.

“Jim. Hey. Jim. JIM.” Bones snapped his fingers in front of his face. Jim broke out of his trance. “I’m gonna go talk to Nyota, alright? If she wants to help us, it’d be great.”

“Yeah. Yeah, okay. Yeah… yeah.” Jim shook his head a little. “Okay.”

Bones raised a suspicious eyebrow. Jim caught his eyes flickering to the Vulcan and back. “You good there, kid?”

“Yeah, totally. As much as can be expected for, ya know, someone who’s gonna get expelled.” Jim shrugged.

An eye roll. “You’re not going to be expelled. Not if I have anything to say about it.”

As Bones ducked away, Jim was left standing awkwardly in the hall. He knew he should be mentally preparing, but there was an empty cavern in his mind every time he tried to use it to think. He gazed down hard at the floor.

It was a fascinating pattern. There were chevrons all over the carpet, in dark blues and greys. Staring at it, he tried to line up every last one until…

There was a polite cough on his right shoulder. He whipped his head up a little faster than he meant to, and it popped. He swore.

“Shit.”

There was a silence from the Vulcan. Minute muscles in his face contorted, as if he was trying to understand, but couldn’t quite. “I…”

“No, sorry. Don’t worry about it. Everything’s fine.” Jim cringed inwardly at the awkwardness of it all, but offered his hand. “Jam Kirk. I mean, Jim. Jim Kirk. Well, actually it’s James T Kirk, that’s why I said Jam, I was combining the two…”

He faltered at the raised eyebrow. His hand was just hanging out in between them. In his peripherals, he saw Uhura’s outraged and bewildered look. Jim realized his mistake and was about to retract the offered hand, inwardly cursing.

But instead the hand was shaken. “Spock.”

Jim felt his face flounder around expressions a few seconds before he could get a full grasp on what just happened. “Is um. Is that your first name, or your last?”

“My full name is S’chn T’gai Spock, but it is unpronounceable to most humans. You may refer to me as Spock.”

Jim rolled the words around on his tongue. “Yeah, sorry I can’t pronounce it.”

He laughed out loud, which seemed to almost… startle Spock? Was it possible to startle a Vulcan?

Jim squared his shoulders and looked Spock dead in the eye. “But I promise, I’ll be able to pronounce it by the next time I see you.”

This earned Jim a cocked eyebrow. “Two things, Cadet James T. Kirk, you seem to misunderstand. When I said it is unpronounceable to most humans, I was being sincere. It was not a challenge. Secondly, we do not know when we will meet again, nor if we ever will. Thus you cannot truly promise to be able to know my name by then, as we do not know of the time frames our next meeting shall be, if even there is one.”

Jim shrugged. “A few things you miss understand, Shnn… Scnhnn… Spock. For starters, I am not most humans. Second, this isn’t a challenge. That’s your name, and as a good person, I intend to learn it. I don’t care if I have to learn Vulcan forwards and backwards to be able to say it. A names a name, and names are important. Last- who’s to say we won’t? It’s a small universe after all.”

“I understand you are far from average. I have surmised as much from your files,” Spock said. “And this universe is not small. It is, as most believe, infinite. Infinity is nowhere near small, Cadet Kirk.”

“You read my files?”

“Indeed. I understood that I was to be a part of your academic hearing, and thus did as much background research as I could. You are a talented man, Mr. Kirk.” Spock’s soft voice seemed somehow totally unfitting, and yet completely appropriate for one such as him. The man was both smooth and all edges. It was hard to fully grasp the concept of him.

Jim didn’t truly know how to answer that. He was stuck between: “I know” and “Thank you.” So instead he just sputtered around random sounds a bit. Spock gave him a well-deserved look.

“Jim, hey, Uhura’s gonna help us, alright?” Bones popped up suddenly next to Jim, head turning from Spock to Jim over and over, almost comically. “What’s this?”

“Bones, that’s great. Tell her thanks,” said Jim, rubbing the back of his neck. Which still hurt. A lot.

“Why don’t you just tell me yourself?” Uhura slid into the conversation. She was giving Spock a strange expression, almost both utterly confused and suspicious.

“Oh. Thanks Uhura.”

He wrung his hands nervously. There was no way he was coming out of this hearing in the clear. If he was, it was not because of what he could say for himself, but what Uhura and Bones could pull out of their ass. If that was even enough to make himself sound like a good person.

Jim felt the beginning of tremors about fifteen minutes before the hearing started. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. If he was fortunate, it was just adrenaline and not the start of what it usually was. Bones shot him a concerned glance. Jim just shrugged at him.

When it was time, he entered the room behind Uhura, Spock, and Bones. The room was set up in a semicircle around a long table, similar to a basic courtroom. It really set the feeling deep in Jim’s gut that he wasn’t going to make it out on top.

He sat down next to Bones in the back. There was no way he was going to go stand up in front, at least not yet. Uhura and Spock sat next to him. He took a quick peek at them. Uhura looked fiercely determined; Jim wasn’t quite sure why. Spock looked serious, but since that was his usual demeanor, Jim didn’t think much of it. 

A few people filed in on the other side of the room. Jim recognized them as a few of the students with whom he had taken the Kobayashi Maru, the man that practically dragged him away afterwards, and a couple of the people who designed and monitored the test. He sighed aloud and three heads turned toward him. He shook his head and they one by one turned away.

The Hearing Board walked in with shuffle of feet and the smell of fresh coffee. The doors swung shut for a brief second before being hurriedly reopened for a short man to scuttle in, disheveled and slightly unorganized. He sat in the corner and attempted to assemble his jumbled mess. Jim assumed he was there to record the hearing.

Jim was called up to the front and the hearing began.

Most of it was a whirlwind, really. In the future, he’d look back and not remember most of it. Not the statements or much of the narratives. He could recall a few of the witnesses.

The first round were the students and staff who (correctly) believed Jim had acted wrongly. Much to no one’s surprise, the students were mostly made up of the hardworking list who sat under James T. Kirk. The ones who firmly believed they should be on top, the ones that thought that Jim was no good, the ones that held a grudge, well founded or not.

It’s not like Jim held any animosity towards them. They were truly good students who worked hard for what they got. It seems like they deserved everything Jim had seemed to breeze through to get. It really just made Jim feel like he was getting what was coming to him even more. He deserved this.

He couldn’t remember for the life of him how he defended himself. Honestly, he probably didn’t do a very good job. When looking back, he’d remember feeling sorry for himself far too much to actually be of any use to anyone. He really was relying on Bones and Uhura to carry his weight.

Bones and Uhura said the same thing, really. How Jim was a gift to the Academy, and how they’d never get another one like him. Jim was truly a hard worker, he studied till his face turned blue and his nose was always in a book. He always abided by the rules to almost a fault, excluding, of course, the Kobayashi Maru incident. He was a well-rounded student. Most importantly, Jim was like no other. He had a knack for most things others didn’t.

How they said it, though, was a different story.

Bones practically drilled his into the Board’s heads. He articulated it with rage and the passion of a thousand suns. His tongue was fire and his teeth were barred. The words cut the truth into their skin, and he was merciless. He held Jim in such a high regard, as if they should all consider themselves lucky to have him in their presence. Jim felt both oversold and such a gratitude for his friend.

Uhura, however, took a gentler approach. She explained Jim to them with a silver tongue and a light gleam in her eye. She held the universe in her mouth and let wisdom flow through her kind lips. It made the Board look at her with soft eyes and parted mouths, as if young children were listening to their mother tell them the secrets of life.

Jim owed so much to them, he didn’t know how to thank them.

Spock, he learned, wasn’t there to truly testify for either party, but to aid the Board in their vote. When he left the room to deliberate with them, Jim found himself wondering what part he would play in Jim’s future. Knowing what he did, would he decide to keep Jim? Would he shove Jim out into the cold of the night, with nothing left to his name? Jim could only speculate.

While they decided Jim’s future, Bones asked him, “Jim, I don’t get it. You purposefully cheated on this and you sit here pouting, as if it’s not your fault.”

“It is my fault.”

“Yeah, but you’re not sticking up for yourself. You’re sitting here, feeling sorry, as if it doesn’t even matter to you. Come on, boy, you should be fighting for your right to be here. You had an excuse for doing it in the first place, right?”

“Yeah, I did.” Jim rolled his eyes.

“Then why didn’t you fight for that? I don’t even know why you did this! How can I fight your battles when I don’t even know why I’m fighting?” Bones threw his hands in the air.

“Because I don’t believe in this bullshit!” Jim’s voice carried through the room, turning heads. “There’s never going to be a time where you don’t have another option! There will ALWAYS be another way out. Rules be damned, even if I commanded a dying ship, there’s no way I’m playing by regulations! There’s no way to just play it out logically, there’s no way we won’t go down without a fight. I’m not going to sit on my ass and give my crew NOTHING!”

There were glares from everywhere in the room, but he wasn’t done. “Look, I’m not saying that rules and regulations aren’t here for a reason, I’m saying that you can’t judge a person by a test you CANNOT BEAT! True character lies not in how they accept their fate, but in how they live through it! I am not going to stake my career on a test where I don’t act myself! I’d rather stake it on showing who I am, who I can be! I will not let my future rest on a test of a dead crew, not when I KNOW I can do better, not when I KNOW I can help them, and certainly not when I KNOW I can do better on their behalf!”

Bones was momentarily silent. He sighed and put his face in his hands. “You should have said that. Not that bullshit you gave them.”

Jim looked at the high ceiling. “I don’t owe them a goddamn thing, why should I have told them something they should already know?”

Before the doctor had a chance to throw a bitter retort back, the Board sauntered their way back in and sat down. Spock did not join the three in the back, but sat in a chair to the front, his straight back holding secrets he wouldn’t give.

The centermost person on the Board’s long table stood up. “On the case of James T. Kirk v the Board of Academics, James T. Kirk is found not guilty.”

Jim blinked. He hadn’t thought that he had said enough to let him off, and as amazing as Bones and Uhura had been, they hadn’t really, either. What had made them decide this?

All around him, people were leaving. Uhura had joined Spock and they left, two seemingly mysterious people. Frustrated students and staff were muttering to themselves as they left, whispering about that devious Jim Kirk.

Bones nudged his shoulder. “Hey, kid. Get up.”

“I… I’m not guilty.” Jim’s brow knit together. “I’m safe.”

“Yeah,” Bones chuckled lightly. “I think I need to check that head of yours.”

Jim twisted his hands together nervously. “No, no. I’m fine. I just… need a few seconds to process this.”

“Process outside, everyone’s already gone.” Bones poked him until he stood and followed.

Bones and Jim walked outside into the corridor. Jim wanted to find Uhura and thank her again, but Bones steered him out of the building.

“I think we’re going to go have a day to ourselves. Or at least, the rest of it.” Bones shoved his hand deep in his pockets and stared blinking into the bright afternoon. “Whatcha think?”

“Honestly, I’m wiped.” Jim rubbed his eyes, from both the sun and sheer tiredness. “I didn’t sleep much last night, and this has completely drained me mentally. I just need some sleep.”

“You can’t sleep now, you’ll screw up your sleep cycle.” Furrowed brows glared him down.

“Don’t care. I’m tired and I have a chapter to finish, you know, since I’m not expelled and all.”

“Fine,” Bones growled. “But I’m waking you up later for a good hearty drink.”

“Now doctor, are you sure that’s healthy?” Jim shoved his friend playfully.

“See, now I know you’re fine, teasing me like that,” he grumbled. “Nothing’s wrong with a drink to keep up your spirits.”

“Spirits for your spirits. Now if only I were a ghost!” Jim ducked the swat aimed at his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hastily written, not my best work... sorry. I'm verrrrrryyyy busy. But I'm trying to maintain at least a one-update-a-month type thing here. Hopefully I can spew them out faster soon, but now it's a real struggle to keep everything together.  
> As I said, this isn't my best work. I can totally do better, it's just that this chapter was honestly just a big block of 'oh no, what do I do to make this plausible AND readable AND interesting AND... blah blah blah.' I promise to get better guys.  
> Anyways, thanks for reading, y'all are incredible!


	4. A While Prior, Academy Years Pt. 4 (Last)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last Academy Years chapter! FINALLY!

** SPOCK: **

Spock perched on a park bench, Nyota Uhura next to him, smiling at playing children. She had slouched next to him for the past twenty seven minutes, the two contemplating in silence. They remained this way for approximately thirty two more seconds before Nyota posed a question.

“Do you want kids?” She pulled her lips between her teeth, deeply in thought.

Spock’s brows furrowed. “Nyota, I am unsure how to respond. May I inquire why you are asking me this?”

“Nothing.” She pulled her face in a strange look. A grimace? A smile? Spock could not tell. “Well, actually, it’s not nothing. I’ve been thinking a lot about kids lately. I just. I want them. But it’s a problem with Tyraa. She doesn’t want kids.”

“Why not?” Spock was not accustomed to private information, on Vulcan no one talked about anything as unimportant as personal matters. Well, not unimportant to the individual, but unimportant to everyone else.

“Something about them either not being Andorian or human, or maybe it was because she doesn’t want to take off work to be a mom, or because she’s not really the motherly-type. I honestly can’t tell, she was all over the place when we fought.” Nyota shrugged her shoulders and watched the children almost… enviously? Spock really needed to start looking into the minute facial expressions of humans.

“Is her wish not to have children a hindrance on the relationship?” Spock wished he could be helpful, but he honestly did not know what to say to make her feel better.

“I mean, kind of.” She shrugged a little bit. “It’s not a deal breaker, but I still just… I don’t know. I just wish we could agree on this.”

“Is there any reason why this matters right now?” Spock asked. Nyota and Tyraa were both rather young, there seemed to be no rush.

“Well. I was thinking about asking her to marry me,” Nyota said. “I love her and she makes my world awesome. And I want to stay like that forever.”

“But you also wish to have children, and she does not.” Spock didn’t really understand either romance or children, but even this was simple to grasp.

“Right-o. I mean, I know you’re not really the person to talk to about this, but I just need to vent my frustration. Maybe I’ll figure something out if I just say all this out loud.”

“From what I have learned from the complexity of humans, usually they display this certain behavior once they have already made up their minds. Then they illogically go seeking out a second opinion to persuade them not to, just so they can argue their point. I am in no such mood, Nyota, so I request that you simply, as they illogically say “look into your heart” and tell me what it is you truly wish.”

Nyota gave him a sidelong glare but was quiet. For about four point two minutes. “I think I want to marry her.” She sighed. “I guess you were right. I think I just wasn’t ready to say goodbye to children yet, and hoped somehow to make myself feel better by denying someone else’s opinions.”

“Is she ready for this commitment?”

“Yeah. I’m think so. We talked about futures once or twice lately. She seems pretty ready, from what I could tell.”

“Then I am… happy… for you.” Spock nearly forced the words out of his teeth, which made Nyota laugh her sparkly laugh.

* * *

Somehow Nyota had managed to pull Spock out for another event. She did at one point threaten to drag him.

They sat on the shuttle ride to wherever they were going in silence. Nyota had refused to tell him where they were going. She did, however, tell him to dress a bit less formal, so they had stopped to quickly change and pick up Tyraa. She sat next to Nyota, fiercely studying her PADD. Nyota had proudly claimed that she was taking her exams soon, and would be ready to graduate the Academy at the end of the semester.

The shuttle came to a halt and the three stepped out into the dying light of day. The night was a bit too cool for the Vulcan, and he shivered slightly. Nyota seemed fine and Tyraa claimed to be sweating. Then again, Spock grew up on a desert planet, and Nyota and Tyraa grew up on Earth. Tyraa was also Andorian, and thus millions of years of adaptation told her she was warm here on a planet not completely frozen over.

Spock watched the two interact. Nyota held out a hand and Tyraa danced over to hold it. They pulled each other close, their shoulders touching. The joined hands swung between them as they walked into the growing night. For the second night in a row, Spock took his place behind them, observing but never speaking.

After walking slowly down a sidewalk for some time, Nyota turned abruptly, tugging a surprised Tyraa into a neon-lit bar. She pushed the door open and ducked in. As her companions followed her in, she twirled around with a slight spring.

“Welcome,” she chirped, “to the 602 Club!”

It felt like one of those old Earth movies- neon lights and booths, dark yet cheery, jazz playing in the background while the clinking of glasses and laughter tickled Spock’s ears. Silhouettes of men slapping backs, girls leaning in for secrets and pulling back with giggles loud and high enough to break glass. Sparkling glasses, alcoholic scents, so many worlds.

Nyota herded them to the bar with loving arms, like she was proud to show this place to them. Why she would be, Spock had no idea. He supposed it was one of those things she held near and dear, so introducing it to others gave her a sort of pride. That’s how Amanda once explained it, after showing Spock a motorbike stored away in her Earth home’s garage. Which was odd. If she was so proud of it why was it under a tarp and dusty?

There was a song Nyota was swaying to. She called it “Galactic Love,” but when asked who it was by, she shrugged and simply said they never caught on. She only said that it was an old song, from the early 2000’s, it was luck that the bartender ever found it at all. Spock told her that luck was not a real construct, but she told him to “lighten up.”

Nyota ordered herself and Tyraa a drink, and Spock told her he was fine without one. When Nyota’s came back green, her eyes widened.

“I didn’t order this…” she half shouted over the crowd, “and it’s… green!”

She and Tyraa ogled at it for a minute before she shrugged and downed the whole thing. She shuddered and frowned at the then empty glass. She looked up at the two of them and after a moment, ordered another. She urged Tyraa to try some too, but Spock stopped paying attention to them at the moment. He had just spotted someone.

Cadet James T. Kirk was sitting in a booth, across from a dark figure that would most likely be Dr. Leonard “Bones” McCoy. The neon lights carved out his face as he stared out the window into the night. His arms draped over the booth and he sat in the very middle, as if expecting no one to be there. However, he expected this was the reason why they were there, not the green alcohol.

With further examination, Cadet Kirk appeared to have a dazed look on his face. Spock could not gage whether this was due to alcohol consumption or from the events that had transpired earlier that day from this distance. Whatever it was, he seemed very distracted. From the way the presumed shadow of Dr. McCoy was moving, he was relating something with immense gusto. Then, of course, that was how the doctor always seemed to behave. Always more dramatic than necessary. But Kirk was not paying attention. He just stared out his window.

Nyota’s voice pulled him back to the bar. “Hey, guess you figured out why we’re here! A thank you from the idiots over there.” She nodded her head at the two. “Leonard said to join around now.”

The three of them pushed through drunk men and women to close in on the small booth. Dr. McCoy’s face whipped up almost instantly to dish out what appeared to be insults. Spock couldn’t really hear over the tumult of the club. Kirk’s face slowly turned away from the window to peer up at the new arrivals. Not drunk, Spock decided, just… tired, maybe? There seemed to be a sadness in Kirk’s eyes that had nothing to do with intoxication.

It didn’t really leave when he seemed to smile at him, either. “Well, well, Mr. Spock!”

Spock wasn’t sure he liked that. It felt slightly derogatory. One look at Cadet Kirk told him it wasn’t, but it sure made him feel slightly off, however illogical. “Actually, it’s Cadet Spock.”

“Ah, yes. Cadet Spock.” The twinkle in his eyes seemed to fit well with the sadness, like it was used to being there. “Sorry, I had promised I’d learn your name by our next meeting. Seems like I’ve broken my first promise to you.”

“As we only met earlier today, I cannot have expected you to learn it in such a short period of time. Any expectation held would have been illogical and wrong, especially as it is neither mandatory nor a particularly easy task for one who is not Vulcan nor interested in linguistics.” Spock was intrigued in his urgency to learn his name, especially when no one else bothered.

“Ah, Mr. Spock, that’s no excuse.” There the name was again. “How long did it take Uhura to learn it?”

“It did not take any time.” Spock raised an eyebrow. “And as I have stated, I cannot hold you to the same standards as she, for you are not a linguist. Nyota Uhura is.”

“Mr. Spock, we could argue about this all night. How about you just sit?” He slid close to the window, where the neon pierced his eyes and hair spectacularly.

Spock wasn’t sure whether Kirk’s insistence to ignore his request was on purpose, to truly be insulting, or if it was because that’s just the way Kirk was. Or maybe he did not understand that Spock was not fond of being referred to as ‘Mr. Spock.’ It was an Earth custom Spock did not enjoy whatsoever.

Somehow, it sounded better on Kirk’s voice, so he did not correct him again. If he actually was meaning to be offensive, it didn’t sound that way. Besides, Kirk did not appear to be the sort of character to tease or bully. Spock decided to let it slide. So, rather, he sat down next to the cadet.

“I would like to congratulate you for today.”

“Why, thank you.” Kirk smiled. “And thank you also for being there. While I don’t actually know if you were there to support me or let me go down with my burning ship, Uhura was there for me, and you came with her, so I guess I’ll thank you.”

“No need for gratitude. I was not there for you specifically, I was there because I was called upon to come. I had to, there was no choice on my part,” explained Spock.

“Well,” said Kirk, pacing a hand over his chest in mock offense, “that makes me feel very sad. You weren’t even there for little old me.”

“You should not feel sad. I do not even know why you would. You did not know me personally before this, to assume that I would be there for you or not due to how I felt about you would be akin to assuming that an important figure in society would either come because they like you or would refuse to come because they hold animosity towards you. They simply would not have come because they do not know you.” How humans could be so emotional, Spock could never BEGIN to understand.

James T. Kirk threw his head back and laughed. “I was joking, but I get now that that would go over your head. Not that that’s a problem, Mr. Spock. I think I like you that way anyways.”

The sadness was nearly gone, until he turned his head. He seemed to have found something that caught his eye and made the sadness return. Spock followed his eyes.

A figure stood there, completely still, with a blank expression. Spock recognized him as the man that Kirk wouldn’t stop talking to yesterday night. The figure turned and disappeared in the throng of people.

Kirk inhaled deeply. The exhale was followed by his head dropping and a reach for the beer bottle. He took a drink, and set the bottle down lightly.

No matter what happened the rest of that night, Spock did not see the sadness leave the young cadet’s eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So even tho this is the shortest, this was my favorite to write. I didn't talk about the neon lights NEARLY as much as I wanted, but that's ok. The only real reason for this chapter was to introduce Jim and Spock on a more personal level. Also because I just had Jim Kirk staring up at Spock sadly with neon lights STUCK IN MY HEAD FOR SO LONG. Angsty neon lights. 
> 
> Anyway, enough rambling! Thanks for reading, you're the best! I'll start the REAL story next month, don't worry!


	5. To Boldly Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also titled: Where the Hell is the First Officer?

** JIM: **

Waiting in the turbolift, Jim sighed. He checked his PADD once, twice. Nothing. He sighed again, and stood up straight. The doors opened, exposing the brand new captain to his brand new bridge.

All work stopped, all chatter subsided, all eyes stared at him. Waiting and expecting eyes. For a second he stared right back, but then feeling ridiculous, he smiled warmly. The crew smiled back and went back to their work and conversations.

Jim set his PADD down next to the communications panel. “Well, well. Nyota Uhura! I must say, I didn’t think I was ever gonna see you again!”

That earned him a smile. “What, you thought you’d get rid of me that easily? No, Captain, I don’t go away that fast.”

“Guess not. I was kinda thinking that YOU were stuck with ME, but now I see it goes both ways,” Jim said. “How’s your girlfriend… Tyraa, was it?”

“Wife, actually.” Uhura beamed proudly.

“Oh my, congratulations!”

“Oh, don’t bother, it was five years ago, you’re a bit late,” she laughed. “I would have sent you an invitation, but you were too busy on the _Republic_ to be bothered.”

“Ah, yes. God, that was such a long time ago.” Jim shook his head. “So much has happened since I last saw you.”

Uhura placed a hand on his. “Captain, as an old friend, I’m free anytime if you want to do some catching up.”

“Thanks, Uhura. Sorry, Lieutenant Uhura.” Kirk tapped his forehead. “Gotta remember that.”

He picked up his PADD and looked around. No old faces left to see first. Just new ones watching his every move out of the corners of their eyes, only half paying attention to their current activities. He could remember a few of their names, but not all. Learning four hundred and some names in two weeks wasn’t that easy.

Jim made his way to his new chair. The captain’s chair. New and honorable. He’d worked so hard to get there. Yet he couldn’t help but feel like he didn’t deserve it. There was so much he’d done wrong. He sat down. Damn, was that comfortable. He could totally fall asleep in this. He made himself a mental note: stand as much as possible so as not to fall asleep in the chair. And to keep pesky doctors away from him for being lazy.

Speaking of doctors…

He stood back up. There was one person he hadn’t checked in with yet. He had toured the whole ship now, met all the new faces, and yet the one person he swore he’d meet with, he had forgotten.

“He’s not gonna like this,” Jim muttered to himself in the descending turbolift.

Stepping out of again, he made a beeline to Sickbay. He stopped outside the door, and attempted to perfect his appearance. Not that it mattered, there would still be some flaw left. The doctor always had a wonderful eye for those kinds of things. The doors swooshed open, leaving Jim no time to fix himself anyway.

“- and you wonder why they stay that way!” Already yelling. Of course. “Christine, you’ll be the death of me, I swear!”

Jim was about to step away until the doctor had calmed down, but no such luck. He’d already been spotted. “I take that back, HE’LL be the death of me!”

“Hello, Dr. McCoy.” Jim said sheepishly.

“Oh, don’t you ‘Hello, Dr. McCoy’ me! I have a bone to pick with you!” Bones furiously stomped over. “You were supposed to see me first!”

“Well, Bones, I’m here now,” said Jim.

“You were supposed to get a physical, Jim! You’ve probably spread so many goddamn pathogens everywhere! Now everyone’s going to get sick! In space!” He threw his hands angrily in the air. “Damnit, Jim!”

“Relax, you old curmudgeon. We haven’t even left yet. And I’m perfectly healt-” Whatever Jim was about to say didn’t really matter, he was already being dragged by an angry doctor and pushed by a gleeful nurse (Christine Chapel loved to torment Jim) toward some unfriendly-looking equipment.

When they finally let him go some hours later, Jim had a foul look on his face and McCoy was practically beaming ear to ear. Christine had left a while ago, cackling to herself. Jim loved her and all, she was a good friend, but GOD. Was stabbing him with hyposprays really that funny?

Jim did manage to pull Bones to dinner. He immediately regretted it, Bones just spent the first ten minutes complaining about Jim’s choice in foods. After a bit, he settled down and they finally got around to talking.

“So the last time we talked was about two months ago. They tell you why they gave you their best ship?” Bones said, stabbing his asparagus with animosity. Jim suspected there was still some leftover pent-up rage not satiated by Jim’s physical.

“No. I guess they just didn’t want to move around any other captains to the _Enterprise._ I mean, that would be a lot of work just to get me into an older, less important ship to start with and make me work my way up like the rest. They’d have to reposition all the other captains.” Jim shrugged. That’s what he kept telling himself anyway. There really wasn’t any other reasonable explanation.

“I’m gonna say two things. One, I think it’s ridiculous they’re giving you the best ship when you haven’t had the experience yet. What if you screw up? It would be much better for the ship if there were an older, more experienced captain. Second, you’ve earned this. You definitely have the potential to run this ship! You’re the best captain there is if you got assigned this ship!” Bones glared at him.

“That’s some enigmatic encouragement there, Bones,” Jim said, smiling softly.

Honestly, those were the two things going through his head the whole time. Either he they made a mistake or they just didn’t want to move captains around; or he was truly going to be a good captain. He couldn’t help but think it was the former and unfortunately not the latter. Either way, he was assigned the USS _Enterprise_ , and he had to perform to the best of his ability.

“Have they assigned you a first officer yet?” Bones asked, gathering the conversation needed a change in pace. “You said they hadn’t said anything about one yet.”

“Nah, Starfleet hasn’t said much. Either they want me to pick my own or I’m going to have to go to some admiral about this. Neither seems very fun.” Jim fiddled with his salad. He had only grabbed it to stop Bones from griping.

“Jim, this is ridiculous. They’ve gotta tell you something! How are you expected to start a five year mission without knowing your first officer! You can’t be compatible if you don’t know the first damned thing about each other,” said Bones angrily.

“I know, but right now I can’t do much. I have reports to check and sign before we leave docks, I need to prioritize. It the ‘fleet doesn’t give me information soon, it’ll be on them.” Jim put his face in his hands. “I’m already stressed and we’re still in orbit. God.”

“You’ll get used to it. The Jim Kirk I know thrives under stress.” Bones sipped his drink.

“I think you’re confusing me with you, Bones,” chuckled Jim. “But thanks for the confidence anyway.”

“Eat your goddamn salad, Jim.”

“It’s Captain, Doctor.”

“I outrank you when it comes to the health of the crew JIM.”

“Fine, fine, you win,” Jim plastered a sour look on his face to let his friend know he was under protest and ate a leaf. “Ewwww,” he mocked.

“You’ll thank me when you’re a hundred and twenty-seven years old. Or at least the memory of me, cause you’re gonna kill me three days into this mission.” Bones squinted dangerously at him.

Jim stood up. “Look, I have to meet with the Chief Engineer in about five minutes. I’ll see you in a bit. Hopefully we’ll be out of spacedock by then, but who knows. We may be stuck here for the whole five years while they decide on a first officer.”

Jim slowly made his way to engineering, stalling while he tried to remember the name of the chief of Engineering. It was something ridiculously simple. Jim could only remember that it was ridiculous because it had something to do with his place of birth, but he couldn’t even remember where that was. He’d never actually met him, he had only read the report on him. This would be an awkward first meeting.

Still unable to remember the man’s name, Jim entered Engineering. He nearly slapped himself when he realized he wouldn’t even be able to FIND the guy without using the comm system to find him. And he couldn’t comm the poor man if he didn’t know his name. Out of all the foolishness. Jim wanted to kick himself for not checking his PADD beforehand.

Fortunately, the answer to his dilemma came sprinting towards him. Or, rather, unfortunately, as the man was practically running and yelling at some poor ensigns. In a Scottish accent.

“Lieutenant Commander Montgomery Scott!” Jim almost shouted with delight. And then jumped out of the way because the man was still barreling towards him at top speed.

Lt. Commander Scott stopped dead inches from running his captain over. “Aye, that’d be me.”

“Captain James Kirk,” Jim said, breathing out in relief. He stuck a hand out and the engineer shook it. He chuckled, “Quite a run you’ve got there.”

“Well, you’d be runnin’ too if ye had the amount of work on yer plate that I do,” said Lt. Commander Scott. “There’s quite a lot te be done, did Starfleet really think we’d be done in two weeks?”

“I understand, Mr. Scott.” Jim said, staring at the group of ensigns practically swarming the chief. “Just wanted to ask you if you’d be ready by tomorrow.”

“Ach, call me Scotty, Captain,” The Scotsman winked. “Don’t ye worry, sir. She’ll be ready te go by then.”

‘Scotty’ then turned to the mass of bodies surrounding him. “That is, if these fools will GET TE WORK!”

The group of ensigns scattered almost instantly. With a final twinkling smile, Mr. Scott followed them, back to yelling orders.

Jim shook his head, slightly baffled by the experience, and smiled. He thought he’d rather grow to like this Scotty character quite a lot.

However, this is why Jim wished he had been granted time to meet with his senior officers ages ago. Lt. Commander Scott was his chief engineer as well as his second officer. If this had gone south, then they wouldn’t have time to fix their relationship as captain and trusted officer before the mission started. Starfleet hadn’t given him much time, they wanted the _Enterprise_ back out ASAP and, unfortunately, that meant cutting out some much needed regrouping time. This is why he was so concerned about his mystery first officer.

No, mystery would imply that they’ve even picked a first officer, Jim reminded himself. He didn’t even know if they had picked one.

Jim was thinking so much he zoned out. He was abruptly thrown back into reality by a slap on his back.

“Captain!” Shouted a familiar voice. “Boy, am I glad to see you!”

“Sulu!” Jim said in equal excitement. “It’s been ages! How are you?”

“I’m doing wonderfully,” beamed Sulu. “I’m glad you requested me, sir.”

“Well, I had to have someone I trusted on the helm,” said Jim. “Did you think I’d let anyone else pilot my ship?”

“No, sir!” Sulu laughed. “You heading on up to the bridge?”

Jim shook his head. “Nah, I have to go fill out reports. Has anyone showed up saying they’re the first officer?”

“Nope. But we’ve got a few too many navigators. I think we have five, and we only need three. Also I’ve been mistakenly placed as the head of Astrosciences.” Sulu shrugged.

“Oh dear. Okay, I’ll come up and sort that out.”

The two entered the turbolift and spoke about old times. When they exited onto the bridge, all movement stopped again and everyone’s eyes were on Kirk.

“Oh, they’ll get used to it. Give ‘em a few days.” Sulu patted his back. “It’s good to have you here, sir.”

There were indeed four men waiting around navigations, looking very confused. One face broke and smiled up.

“Jim!” Kevin Riley sputtered slightly too excitedly.

Jim was going to smile at him, but a bigger, burly man angrily shushed him first.

“That’s the captain, you fool.” He must’ve thought he was doing Jim a favor, because he then proudly stuck out his hand and said, “Lieutenant Stiles, navigator.”

Jim gave him a wry smile. “We’ll see about that.”

He turned and faced them all, and they all fell into an awkward line. “There seems to be a two too many navigators here.” He looked at his PADD. “Which one of you is DeSalle?”

“Here, sir,” A tall man raised his hand slightly. “I was assigned two positions, actually. One in Engineering and one as the ships navigator. Everyone told me I should come here, though.”

Jim smiled at him. He didn’t seem too bad. “I’m going to make an educated guess and say Mr. Scott could use you down in Engineering. That’s your primary role, and if I ever need you up on the bridge, I’ll comm, okay?”

Jim was glad to see the relief on DeSalle’s face as he was dismissed. He then dismissed a man named Dave Bailey, who seemed a bit too nervous for the job anyway. He sent him to go work with Communications elsewhere.

He addressed the remaining “Now, you three are my navigators. You take the shifts assigned to you. Any questions?”

“Yes, sir,” said the youngest of the three in a thick Russian accent. “I was also supposed to be assigned as science officer, but that was recently taken away. Vat should I do?”

“I don’t know about that, Mr.-”

“Ensign Pavel Chekov,” said the young Russian.

“I don’t know about that Mr. Chekov, but I’d say that’s your second post if we need you to take over. That being said, you’re my number one, got it?” Jim didn’t mind this Chekov guy. “How old are you, anyway?”

“Tventy-two, sir.”

“And you were assigned BOTH navigator and science officer?” Jim wondered why he couldn’t remember reading about this kid.

Chekov’s smile wasn’t very humble. He shrugged. “I guess, sir.”

“Right. Go sit down.” Jim shook his head slightly.

Of the two left standing, Jim’s choice was obvious. “Lieutenant Kevin Riley. You take Beta shifts after Mr. Chekov. And you, Stiles, you’ve got night shifts.”

The older lieutenant’s eyes narrowed. He was probably thinking that Jim’s choice followed somewhere along the lines a favoritism, which wasn’t fair nor true. Stiles didn’t know how Kevin and Jim knew each other, firstly, so how can he judge? Second, Jim would take someone he trusted and knew over someone he had never met before. Mainly since the big problem of the day was not knowing people he was supposed to trust. And lastly, Stiles had already presented himself in a poor manner. Jim had no tolerance for people like that, especially when he had a ship to run.

Kevin was practically glowing, though. Jim smiled and winked at him. He knew Kevin was always going to perform to the best of his abilities around him. Why shouldn’t he reward that?

Kevin was still young though, barely older than Chekov. Should he really put two people on navigations when they’re both in their very early twenties? Surely seniority mattered somehow? No. That would be completely the opposite of Jim. He himself was a young captain, age is no more than a number when it comes to abilities.

Jim internally shook himself out of it. He shouldn’t be questioning his own decisions. That would make for a bad captain. The last thing this ship needs on top of all its other problems is a captain that second-guesses everything he does.

Kevin followed him like a puppy to the turbolift. Jim felt like he was going to be living in there, what with all those trips he’d made in just one day alone.

“Captain Jim, huh?” Kevin asked, still pretty excited.

“Captain Kirk.” He glared at Kevin for a second, then broke. He couldn’t really be upset with him. “Oh, fine. You can call me Captain Jim. But first you’ve gotta tell me why I just promoted two of the youngest Starfleet graduates.”

“I can’t question my captain’s judgement!” mocked Kevin.

Jim grinned. “Well, that’d make one of us, kid.”

The turbolift slid open and they stepped out. “Look, Kev, I have to go find me a first officer. I’ll talk later, alright?”

“Gotcha.” Kevin waved and set off for his quarters.

Jim didn’t really have anywhere to be. He was too distracted now to do any paperwork, and since that was all he really had to do, he didn’t have anything to refocus himself. He wandered aimlessly for a bit, learning the interior of the ship. It wasn’t really any different than any other Constitution ship, but he still felt as if he should at least know his SHIP before leaving spacedock. He had gotten through four decks before deciding he should just power through the reports.

He worked through them all slowly. They were honestly the most awful things he had ever read, and he groaned inwardly and outwardly every time he thought about how many he’d have to do in the future.

By the time he had pushed through them all, it was 0100 hours in the morning. It was funny, he thought he’d be able to sleep after dragging his brain tiredly throughout all of those documents and files, but he was wide awake.

He headed back to the bridge, realizing he hadn’t checked to see if his first officer- if he had one- was on the ship yet. He was surprised to find everyone on the bridge wide awake and unsurprised to learn that no one had heard anything about a first officer.

The Gamma shift was apparently very ready to do all-nighters. Not one person seemed a bit tired. Except the new Lieutenant Stiles, who was practically asleep at his station. Jim felt awful when he almost laughed at the sight of his drooping head. He told the communications officer to go prod him awake.

Jim ambled through another deck before he was tired enough to sleep. He forced himself not to think about not having a first officer on board the day that they were leaving spacedock, because each time he did, he couldn’t sleep.

* * *

 

Jim woke around 0500 and cursed himself for staying up so late the night before an important day like this. He knew he’d have to get used to a lot less sleep. There’s no real shift for captains. He dragged himself through a shower.

He made his way up to the bridge, noting that the first officer’s doors were still very locked and very unused.

His chair felt even more comfortable, and after the first five minutes, he stood, fearing he was already falling asleep. The Gamma shift was still there, and they were beginning to tire. By 0800, they had trundled off to bed, and the fresh-faced Alpha shift was bouncing in.

Uhura winked on her way in. Jim noticed the smudge of blue on her cheek, and pointed it out to her. She smile and wiped it off, apologizing and telling him it wouldn’t happen again. Jim said it was fine, as long as she doesn’t come in smothered in Andorian lipstick.

It was just a few hours before they were supposed to leave at 1200 hours, and there had been no sign of any first officer. Jim even asked Uhura to hail Starfleet Command for him a few times, but the hails either went unnoticed or ignored.

Jim was getting quite stressed thirty minutes before departure. Scotty had approached him some fifteen minutes ago, telling him quite proudly that Engineering was set to go, finally.

Jim slowly counted the minutes down. Twenty-five, twenty, fifteen, ten, five…

Three minutes before their departure time, Uhura was making constant calls that weren’t being returned, and Jim was frustrated enough to start screaming.

One minute to go, and Jim angrily got up out of his chair. “Damned Starfleet can’t even give us a goddamn first off-”

Jim’s words were cut off by a ding from his PADD and the turbolift opening.

“Helmsman, begin departure process,” said Spock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAHHH FINALLY WE STARTED THE TRIP!! Also I posted early! Joy and happiness! Or sorrow if you hate me that much!  
> Anyways  
> 1: I have 0 clue how to write a Scottish OR Russian accent, so if anyone has any idea-TELL ME!  
> 2: And can I just say, that's a hell of a lot of first officers to go through in one season? What happened to them all?  
> 3: Yeah, this is definitely TOS. I tried writing AOS in the beginning, but I like boft Kirk, ok? It's gonna be TOS.
> 
> Thanks for reading! I hope to pop these out fast like this, but realistically I can't, so we'll see what happens, ok? Have a good week guys!


	6. Mountains of Chess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year!

** SPOCK: **

The din around the bridge seemed to lull, everyone was looking at the two of them, unsure of what to do.

The captain’s eyes were wild. He sucked in a deep breath and seemed to deflate. With a quick glance to the helmsman and back, he shook his head and let the breath go. He nodded to the officer. “Mr. Sulu,” he exhaled, “take us out.”

Lieutenant Sulu’s eyebrows flickered up, but he turned around with a shrug and did as he was told. The bridge returned to a normal atmosphere, and everyone appeared to forget the interruption.

Spock stood just away from the turbolift door, surveying the bridge. Not a single thing had changed, other than the new faces. Well, mostly new. He’d seen the helmsman and navigator before, not to mention Nyota and the captain himself. Which was another thing.

Captain Kirk did seem quite different from when he was a cadet. He had a completely different air about him. He gave the impression of an understanding of how things worked. He no longer looked arrogantly bookish, he truly did seem to know what he was doing. However, if there was one thing Spock had learned from humans, it’s that looks could often be deceiving.

Whatever the captain was or was not had to wait, though. Presently, Spock was more needed at his console more than lurking by the doors. He quietly relieved the substitute science officer, who seemed slightly put out. He sat in her vacant seat as she entered the turbolift, and ran his fingers over the console to familiarize himself with all the knobs, buttons, and keys again.

By the time he had situated himself, the ship had left orbit and they had begun their journey. The crew was conversing merrily between themselves. He finally looked over his right shoulder at Nyota, who was staring expectantly at him.

“Yes, Lieutenant?” He inquired.

She rolled her eyes slightly. “Right. Forgot we were to denounce all personal ties in the name of seniority.”

“I apologize, Lieutenant. It is simply protocol,” Spock said.

“Mhm. Well, can I call you Spock off duty still, or is that also disobeying protocol? Because I wasn’t ‘lieutenant’ yesterday and I don’t really fancy it today, tomorrow, or ever, really,” she snapped.

“Off duty is off duty, and I will allow it,” he said, “I would rather private and work life be as separated as they should be.”

“Fine. Because Tyraa and- oh fine, Dr. Zh'shrotros and I would love to show you our quarters. We’ve decorated them with the finest plants ever seen. And we’re more than willing to help you decorate yours, too,” she offered.

“I accept your offer to visit your quarters, but I have had no time to survey my own yet, so I will ask you to withhold your second proposition for a later time.”

“What do you mean?” She frowned.

“I did not have much time to view my quarters. I had enough to set my personal belongings inside before coming to the bridge.” Spock expressed.  

“Yeah, what the hell, Spock? Oh, I mean… oh I don’t know what I mean.”

“I shall relate my story to you at a later time. For now, I must speak with the captain.” He replied gently.

“I bet,” she chuckled dryly, returning to face her own console.

Spock stood and smoothed his shirt. He no doubt owed the captain an apology if Nyota expected one. It also appeared that the captain was already expecting one, as he stood and looked quizzically at his first officer. Spock tilted his head slightly, attempting to convey he wished to speak to him.

Captain Kirk held up a finger to tell him to wait, and addressed the crew. “Lieutenant Uhura, I’d like to address the whole crew… thanks. Alright everyone. We’ve made it, despite some hiccups, both major and minor. From here on out, for five years, we’re stuck with each other. Sometimes that’s going to be challenging, other times it’ll be a breeze. Either way, we’re going to have to learn to bear it together, thick and thin. I look forward to being your captain, and I hope you’re as excited to work with me to achieve our goals. Let’s make it a good five years. Mr. Sulu, warp five in whichever direction you wish.”

“Yes, sir!” Sulu chirruped.

The stars sparkled brilliantly as the ship sped off in no direction in particular. Captain Kirk turned around and faced him, smiling slightly.

“Right. You’d like to speak to me, I presume?” Captain Kirk asked kindly.

“You presume correctly, Captain. I am sure that, while you would no doubt prefer to spend your first few hours up here, it is beneficial for the both of us to speak somewhere more privately,” Spock suggested.

“Sure, why not?” The captain gestured to the turbolift, and followed Spock in.

As they sped down the turboshaft, Captain Kirk sighed softly. “’The mountains are calling and I must go.’”

“John Muir,” Spock said, folding his arms behind his back.

Captain Kirk turned and smiled at him. “Yes. You know him?”

“I know of him. I cannot truly know him, for he is dead,” Spock reminded him. “However, I do know that he was a human conservationist, important for his works in preservation of the early United States of America. He was born on April-”

With a light chuckle and raised hands, Captain Kirk halted him. “Well, color me impressed. I didn’t think John Muir was that important that you would remember when he was born.”

“Sir, he was an important man,” Spock pointed.

“True, true.” He was silent again until they stepped out. “Now, I’d say the best spot to speak would the mess hall, or would you rather go somewhere else?”

“The mess hall should be sufficient,” said Spock, following Kirk, “especially since we are already on the correct deck.”

That made him laugh. “You got me there.”

Spock truly didn’t feel like dwelling on how he would have ‘got’ Captain Kirk, so he passed it as another human mistake that they just accepted. It was almost ridiculous how broken their language was at that point.

Upon entering the mess hall, Captain Kirk beamed wide. He headed to a table, where something had caught his eye. A chess set. “Do you play?”

Spock nodded. “My mother taught me.”

“Really?” Captain Kirk gazed at him. “My father taught me. I was the champion chess player from elementary to high school.”

“I can claim no titles of my own, but it would be untrue to say I wasn’t a sufficient player.” Spock said, puzzled by the laughter following his statement.

“Well, we’ll have to test that.” Captain Kirk said as he sat down and gestured Spock to do likewise.

“Are you quite sure that is a good idea, sir? We have just left spacedock, perhaps it is unwise to engage your first officer in a game of chess right now.”

“You ARE the one who dragged me from my post. I think you’re just making excuses.” Captain Kirk started placing the pieces in their respective locations. “Besides, I’m the captain. And we have no real mission yet, we’re just flying out of our area to find somewhere to explore. Nothing important is happening yet.”

“Your reasoning is logical to a point, sir.” Spock helped place the last few pawns on the board.

“I take that as high praise from a Vulcan, so I thank you. Black or white?” Captain Kirk offered.

“There is no preference. As I understand humans to have sentimental value placed upon rudimentary things such as this, I suggest you choose.”

“Ouch, that was definitely not praise. Yet it’s not untrue. I always use black, so I guess I do have some ridiculous sentiment. But I guess that means you get to start, and you’ll need it.” Captain Kirk joked.

They started the game and focused solely on it for a few minutes, until Captain Kirk spoke again.

“So, Commander Spock. Do you mind telling me what the whole issue was?” He sounded nearly business-like, but Spock couldn’t tell if it was due to the game or because he was truly cross.

“I assume you are referring to the fact that I was late in my arrival. It was not on purpose, I assure you.” Spock narrowed his eyes. The captain’s rook was dangerously close.

“Explain.” The rook took his knight.

“Starfleet had originally assigned Commander M.L. Brealey to be your first officer and science officer as soon as they had decided for you to be the captain of the _Enterprise_. However, she married to a Denobulan and had decided to resign. This happened very recently, so Starfleet was pressed to find a new officer.”

“Mmm. So they chose you, who had served on the ship already?” The rook had been decommissioned, but his knight was two moves from taking Spock’s queen.

Spock hesitated. He wasn’t sure this new captain, who Spock hardly knew, was ready to hear everything. So he decided to withhold it. “Yes, that is correct.”

“Hm. You’d think they’d figure this all out earlier than last minute.”

Spock didn’t even try to correct him. It was all too private. “I believe that in two moves, I will win.”

Captain Kirk looked up at him incredulously. “Are you sure?”

“Quite.”

Captain Kirk smirked to himself. “Alright.”

But within two moves, the captain’s king had moved a safe distance from the oncoming pawn. And in four, Captain Kirk had taken his king. Spock didn’t understand how.

“That… was not logical.”

“Ah, but Mr. Spock, chess is not a logical game.” He gave a warm smile. “And I am not a logical man. Another game?”

Spock and Captain Kirk went through three rounds before a familiar dark haired man came to stand ominously over Captain Kirk’s shoulder. He mumbled a bit and glared quite a lot. Until the captain got very fed up with it.

“Bones, if you’re going to grumble, go do it somewhere else.” With a sigh, a pawn left the board.

“Jim, aren’t you supposed to be on duty?” The man asked.

“I am. I’m bonding with my first officer. Commander Spock, you remember Dr. McCoy,” introduced Captain Kirk.

While Spock was glad that Dr. McCoy didn’t offer his hand, it was peculiar, as it was a human thing to do. Instead the doctor’s eyebrows rose and his hands stayed firmly clasped behind his back. Then again, from what Spock remembered of the younger Dr. McCoy, this wasn’t too out of character.

“So you’re the very late first officer,” Dr. McCoy said almost angrily. “I didn’t know Vulcans to be such unpunctual people, least of all you.”

Spock didn’t respond to that, not wishing to give anything else away. “I did not expect to see you again Dr. McCoy.”

“Yeah, I’m not too pleased about it either. But it looks like the gang’s all here. Nyota, Tyraa, Jim, you.”

“I do not recall any of us joining a gang, Doctor, so you must be mistaken.” Spock said, watching his queen lose to another pawn. “Captain, I am not so sure that was a good move. Check.”

“Ah, but that’s where you’re wrong.” Captain Kirk smiled wickedly and moved his knight. “Checkmate.”

“God, you’re as literal as ever, Spock.” Dr. McCoy’s eyes rolled. “Of course we didn’t join a gang. Jim, good luck with this one, you’ll need it.”

Captain Kirk waved him off. “I don’t-”

“’Believe in luck,’ I know.” Bones finished for him, and left.

Captain Kirk smiled at Spock. “He is right, we are all here. Even Gary Mitchell’s here. What an odd coincidence.”

“I prefer not to speculate on such matters,” Spock said as they reset the board.

Spock was nowhere near beginning to understand this man, but he realized something about the captain. He was soft. Not the kind of soft humans use to say that he’s a coward or stupid, as the Kirk Spock remembered was neither of those things, and neither was the man sitting across from him. It was the kind of soft that meant he had a gentle touch and a sweeter approach to life. Clearly whatever he had faced in his life already had given him this aspect. Everything from his kind and loving smile to his compassion and understanding.

But he was also still somehow the same as that sad Cadet Kirk. Sometimes those sweet smiles had something else behind them. As gentle and soft as he was, he was stern and hard. Spock decided if he could learn this about Captain Kirk in a few hours and still not be anywhere near understanding even the slightest about him, then this man was something else entirely.

Two more games happened before Captain Kirk declared he had enough victories under his belt for one day.

“Seriously, if I’m not careful, this winning streak will go away and I’ll have nothing worth living for,” he laughed.

“I would think being the captain of this ship was enough to live for, sir,” Spock suggested.

“What’s that to winning chess, Mr. Spock? Nothing!” He stood to leave. “But I do have a ship that I’d like to say needs me. And you, too. So maybe we should stop hiding from it.”

“With your permission, sir, I would like to unpack my personal belongings in my quarters first.” Spock said. “I had no chance to do so beforehand.”

“You have my complete permission, Mr. Spock.” Spock was rewarded with another smile.

He turned to go, but only made it a few steps before looking back at Spock. “Oh, and I forgot. S’chn T’gai Spock, I’d like to think we may become friends.”

And with a last smile, Captain James T. Kirk left Spock to recall a promise from nearly five years ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I forgot last month, whoops!  
> Reunited with each other at last! Is Spock smitten? I'd say 'who knows?' but we all do. It's a Spirk fic.  
> This one was shorter than usual, sorry. I also want to say I've stopped alternating Kirk and Spock every chapter on purpose now. It's just going to be what it is, so if it keeps alternating with only a few hiccups here and there, that's what's going to happen.  
> Anyways, like always, thanks! Have a wonderful new year!
> 
> Edit: Nah, I like alternating chapters, I think I'll stick with it.


	7. Admirals and Doctors and Existential Crises, Oh My!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EARLY!

** Jim:  **

Jim heaved a great sigh as he sat down in the captain’s chair; he was tired beyond belief. He rubbed his hands over his eyes. He should have grabbed coffee when he was still in the mess hall.

At least the major problem was off his hands, he had a first officer. The only issue now was to get everything running smoothly, something never easily done on a mission of that length on a ship of that size. Of course, that would have to mean they’d need to actually plan something out, instead of just wandering out into space.

Jim weighed his options. The course Sulu had set would have them past Inferna Prime in about a day or so. That left a broad area of open space for them to travel through, there wasn’t much known out there. So _Enterprise_ could keep heading out into uncharted space immediately, or she could stay in the Federation for a few weeks running small errands for Starfleet or the Federation. He knew everyone was eager to head out and discover somewhere new, but it also made sense to stay closer to home until everything was operating smoothly and at full capacity and everyone was settled in.

He ran his fingers over his lips, hoping the answer would strike him from thin air. Of course, nothing came, so as another sigh escaped, he stretched and stood. Uhura looked at him quizzically, but he just shook his head. He had no new orders. Already, on the first day out of space dock, he was failing as a captain.

He paced up and down, feeling like he was wearing the carpet down, until a yeoman stopped him. She said her name was Janice Rand, and she brought him coffee. Courtesy of some bones, she said. When Jim asked what that meant, she shrugged and told him the ship’s doctor told her to bring him coffee from ‘bones.’ And that he’d only do this once. Jim thanked her and she left with a tiny grin.

He watched her go. Her blonde hair was in a peculiar arrangement, not unlike a chess board on a beehive, but he kept that thought to himself. Jim thought it made her look pretty cute and… no. No ‘ands.’ He was the captain, he wasn’t allowed to think anything about anyone.

Jim wished he had known how hard it was to be a captain back when he had signed on for a Command track in the Academy. Maybe then he would have thought long and hard about this decision and would have become an engineer. He was good at tinkering and jury rigging. And he wasn’t sure how he looked in gold, he may have looked nicer in a red shirt.

After finishing the slightly-too-hot and rather odd tasting coffee, Jim stared at the captain’s chair. What glory it used to hold. Captain Pike was a good man, and Jim felt like a waste of just thinking about being compared to him. Of course, the new (or old, really) Commander Spock would know. He was the science officer under Pike for quite some time. He probably already thought Jim was a pathetic excuse for a captain. It was a stupid move to make him play chess right after they left the solar system.

This started Jim on a whirlwind of overthinking. Two days he had the captaincy and he had already made so many mistakes. Why had Starfleet chosen him? It was the only reoccurring question spinning around his head ever since he learned of his new position. He hadn’t done anything worthy of this, he had only five years of service under his belt, and he wasn’t an important figure.

Uhura came to his rescue. She tapped on his shoulder. “Are you okay?”

“Oh! Yes! I’m fine!” A thrown in pretend smile to show he was just as fine as he said he was. Jim was very good at those. “What is it?”

“Well, it’s Starfleet. I’ve received a transmission from them. Admiral Sopek wishes to speak to you,” she said. “It’s urgent.”

Jim nodded. “Ah, I see. Put him through.”

She smiled roguishly. “Oh, he said it’s a private matter.”

“In that case, I’ll take it in my quarters. I’ll let you know when I’m ready for it, okay?” Jim winked.

“Yes, sir.” She cocked an eyebrow, clearly unamused.

When settled comfortably in his quarters, he commed Uhura. “Alright, Lieutenant, now you can put him through.”

Whatever answer he was expecting never came, instead the transmission just popped up on his small view screen.

A middle aged Vulcan appeared. His uniform was as stiff as he was, and the medals and colors adorning him were many. His fingers were steepled under his nose, and he was leaning ever so slightly forward on the table, as if he had urgent news and was almost impatient to relay it.

Jim put on a placid yet eager face. “May I help you, sir?”

“Captain Kirk, you left not so long ago, correct?” His voice was curt.

Jim struggled to keep a straight face. It’s not like he didn’t expect the Admiral to be so brusque. “Yes, sir. We are just on our way to-”

“Yes, I know,” interrupted Admiral Sopek. “Have you made any plans yet?”

Jim grimaced slightly. “No, sir. Again, we just left space dock and we’re trying to fly out towards-”

“Good.” Was he trying to be rude? How many times would he interrupt Jim before this conversation was done? “Then I assume it is alright for Starfleet to make some of our own for you?”

“Yes, sir, I-”

“Then I’d like you to pay close attention, Captain. This is important.”

For fear of yet another interjection from the Admiral, Jim nodded politely.

“There are a few systems that have recently become applicants to join the United Federation of Planets. One of those systems is beginning the process, but is requesting an immediate decision. The system is called Chevron Alpha.”

“Why are they requesting an immediate decision?” Seeing the look on Admiral Sopek’s face, Jim added, “Sir.”

“The Chevronians claim they are under attack. From whom, we do not know. They have dismissed their ambassador, and therefore have impeded our way of learning how to diffuse the situation, or even if there really is one. You job, should you take this assignment, would be to go to Chevron Alpha and convince them to dismiss their request for an immediate decision and make them apply via the normal channels.” Admiral Sopek sighed. “Normally we would send a more experienced ship, but the _Enterprise_ is the only ship anywhere near the sector.”

Jim would like to think he considered it thoroughly. A good captain would. But all Jim could think of was how his crew had nothing to do yet. So, without really thinking, Jim blurted, “We’ll do it.”

A pointed eyebrow raised, but all Admiral Sopek said was, “Good. I shall send you the coordinates.”

“Wait, what exactly are we supposed to do there?” Jim nearly shouted as the screen went dark. He had a feeling Admiral Sopek didn’t like him very much.

Whatever ‘feelings’ he had towards Jim set aside, he did deliver. The coordinates came through seconds later. Jim sighed, because he couldn’t help but feel like he was being tested.

With no idea what he was doing, Jim frantically searched through Starfleet’s files on Chevron Alpha. His clearance as captain would normally give him plenty of information, but this time, there was just about four sentences.

_“Chevron Alpha is a trinary system located 36 lightyears from Earth. It holds a total of five planets including: one class L planet, one class M planet, and three gas giants. The main planet Chevron, or Chevron Alpha II, hosts a humanoid species that live under the planet’s watery surface. The Chevronians are currently applying for acceptance into the United Federation of Planets.”_

There was a picture of Chevron thrown in too, but it wasn’t much, simply a blue planet with three or four tiny specks of green here and there. The main thing was that there was absolutely no real information on Chevron Alpha. That could mean three things. One, the system wasn’t surveyed to its full potential. The second reason would be that the Chevronians liked their privacy. Or it was possible that Starfleet was keeping things hidden.

The first wasn’t possible; the Federation wouldn’t even consider letting a system in without every last inch of it scanned, probed, and documented. It may be that Chevronians did truly like their privacy, but that would have to change if they really did wish to be accepted into the Federation. The most likely scenario was that Starfleet was keeping things hidden. It wouldn’t be the first time, either. It would also explain why Admiral Sopek didn’t give much of an explanation. Other than sheer rudeness, of course.

After staring at the screen for another ten minutes, hoping that some more information would appear out of nowhere, Jim finally accepted that he was just going to have to go into this blindly.

He couldn’t help but wonder if it was pure coincidence that Sulu had sent them on a course near the system, or if the universe was just coming at Jim. Since the latter was probably along the same lines as luck, Jim attempted to dismiss the thought. But it just wriggled in the back of his mind instead. So he rationalized. Any ship coming this way would have had to do the same thing. Sulu just picked a direction with space for them to explore, nothing more.

He drummed his fingers on the table. It would take another day and a half before they reached Chevron Alpha. That left at least a day to decide what to do. He sent the coordinates through to Sulu and set off to find Bones. And some more coffee.

Bones, he soon learned, was in a foul mood. Apparently he had far too many patients coming from Engineering.

“That fool. Whatever he thinks he’s doing, he can’t do it,” grumbled Bones under his breath. “All those Scots are the same. Act first, think later.”

“Dr. McCoy, if you’re not going to be civil about my Chief Engineer, you can leave my ship,” Jim joked.

Bones wasn’t having any of that. “Jim, I swear to GOD, if you hurt yourself too, I’m gonna break all your bones and then shove you out an airlock. And if you’re not, then get the HELL out of here. Sickbay is for SICK and INJURED people, Jim. I don’t have time for your shenanigans.”

“Bones, I’m your captain, I don’t have ‘shenanigans.’ And if I did, you couldn’t stop me.”

“I don’t have time for anything, then. Get out. My Sickbay, my rules.” He said, pressing a hypo to an unfortunate Engineer with a burn.

“I came for advice, and I could use it,” Jim said.

“Don’t. Have. Time.” Bones steered him out to the hall. “Stay. Out.”

The doors slid shut behind him, nearly trapping the hem of his shirt. He blinked and stood there for a few seconds, wondering what Mr. Scott was doing that was apparently so perilous. Christine Chapel happened to walk by just in time to see him petrified in that spot.

“Oooh, did he get you?” She practically beamed. “Wanna talk about it?”

“I’d like to talk, but not about that,” Jim grinned. “I’d like to forget that as soon as possible.”

“Not gonna happen, Jim,” Christine winked.

“Hey, you’re supposed to call me ‘Captain.’”

“I reiterate: not gonna happen, Jim.” She placed her hands on her hips. “I know you too well. And if Leonard doesn’t call you ‘Captain,’ I don’t have to either.”

“Did he tell you that?”

“Maybe. Maybe not.”

“Great.” Jim mock groaned. “Subordination from both the nurse and the doctor. What is my life coming to?”

“Nothing, just as it always was.” She poked his chest. “Scootch. I need to get through.”

Jim moved out of the way of the door and Christine went through.

When he sighed, she said through the door, “I heard that.”

The doors slid back open and there she was again, with hands perched on her hips and I’m-not-pandering-to-your-bullshit eyes. “What is it, spit it out.”

“Nothing, Christine.”

“It’s not nothing.” She grabbed his arm and pulled him along.

“Where are we going?”

“To go talk. You’re not getting off the hook this easily.” She rounded a few corners to a nice little niche, dragging Jim along with her. “What’s going on?”

“Wait, doesn’t Bones need you? What with all these Engineering injuries?” Jim asked, prying his arm from her tiny but strong hands.

“Oh, sure. He’s probably throwing a fit right now, and I probably won’t hear the end of it for at least a week.” Measuring Jim’s face, she rolled her eyes. “Oh, for heaven’s sake, Jim, you’re not the only one he cares enough about to get pissy with. I just deal with it better than you. I’m pretty pissy myself, too.”

“Yeah, you are.” Jim laughed as he dodged a smack from Christine.

“So tell me, Jim. What really is the matter?”

“I don’t know, Christine. I just feel like I’m not living up to the captain I should be.”

“Okay, do you want my tough love, or do you want a pack of lies?”

Jim often knew the pack of lies to be vinegar dressed as honey. “Just tell me the truth.”

“Look, Jim. It’s only your first real day on the ship. You’re a young captain. Of course you’re not living up to any expectations. There are none! You’re brand new! Take a bit, find out who you are in that chair. You have five years to get it right. You’re allowed mistakes here and there.” With a twinkle in her eye, she added, “So long as you don’t kill us all.”

“Thanks, Christine.” Jim smiled wryly. Then he frowned. “Hey, you wouldn’t happen to know anything about Chevron Alpha, would you?”

She pondered it for a second. “No, I’ve never heard of it before. Why?”

“Apparently it’s our first mission.”

“Oh! What will we do there?”

“Absolutely no clue.” He shrugged. “I was just told to go there.”

“Well, maybe ask your new first officer?”

“Maybe. Thanks again, Christine.” He winked before he left, and he heard her sigh and laugh before he turned a corner and was gone.

It was probably nothing, but it still didn’t sit with him that there was absolutely no information on this place. And even less information on what exactly it was they were supposed to do there. Maybe Christine was right, Commander Spock may know. But, all in the name of fun, Jim just really wanted to see what was happening down in Engineering.

Of course, he didn’t when he actually got down there. Curses were flying left and right, and so were tools. Everyone was shouting at either someone, something, or at nothing particular.

“Mr. Scott!” Jim had to yell at least three times to be heard above the tumult.

“I told ye te call me Scotty, Captain!” was roared right back at him.

“Right! Scotty! What’s happening down here?”

“Not much, sir! Just fixin’ everything up to my standards, that’s all!” Scotty cried, gesturing around.

“Scotty… none of this is up to Starfleet’s codes!” Jim shrieked.

“Ah, te hell with Starfleet!” Scotty gave an almost demonic laugh. “If I’m te be Chief of Engineering, I’ve got te be able te do what I need te do! And I cannae do that with Starfleet’s ‘regulations!’”

“Chief, that’s illegal! You could get court martialed! And so could I if they figured out I let you!” Jim hollered and winked devilishly at Scotty.

“Ach, I won’t tell if ye won’t!” He howled and winked right back with just as much mischief. “Besides, Captain, she’ll go along much more smoothly with this handiwork than she ever would with Starfleet’s!”

“Let’s hope so!” Jim yelled.

He had to duck a few times to get out of Engineering with his head still intact. Once he was out, his ears rung for a second or so. Jim was suddenly very glad he hadn’t chosen a field in Engineering back in the Academy, and wished he could go back an hour and tell himself just that. Maybe then the existential crisis would have been averted.

Or maybe it wouldn’t have been. Jim was always finding things to have existential crises. Three weeks ago it was a malfunctioning toaster. It just wouldn’t make toast the way he liked it. He then spent five hours wondering why it mattered so much to him that his toast was perfect. Two weeks before that it was because he couldn’t decide if he was a cat or dog person. After three hours, he decided he was both.

Jim sometimes wished he could care less about somethings, but he presumed he wouldn’t be in his newfound position of captain if he did. Jim just cared about everything and everyone. Maybe it was a fault, or maybe it was a gift. He had never decided which it was. It could very well be both.

Bones once said that his own compassion was his downfall, because that’s why he was always so grumpy. But he was drunk and it may have been slightly out of context. Either way, it was the truth about Bones. He cared so much that he had to lie to himself. Jim just hoped he never got that far.

He shook his head. It wasn’t good to dwell on those things, especially when he had business to attend to.

Back in the turbolift again, Jim hummed a little bit to test his hearing. All was well. He stepped out to check to see how his first officer was doing. Perhaps he was having a better day than Jim was. At this point, everyone was probably having a better day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am early because I have been blessed (cursed) with inspiration (procrastinating writing a paper).  
> Maybe it's a bit too soon to be posting this and chapter 9, which may be coming in a few days, too, but I don't just want to leave it sitting there for me to forget about. Besides, it makes up for all those times I was super late!  
> Also, I apologize to Scotland for Bones. He's sorry. Maybe.  
> Thanks again for reading, and I'll be back with the next chapter by, lets say... Saturday? I think I can do it by then. Have a great first week of 2018!


	8. Rules, Regulations, and Reasons

** Spock: **

Spock was not having a good day.

That is, if there was a true definition to ‘good,’ this day would not be it. He had arrived late and now he was having difficulty with his quarters.

He had arranged and rearranged it so many times, but it still looked so bare. He didn’t have much to cover a room this big. It was illogical to put so much effort into something that was merely a place of rest and work, but he was used to his old quarters on the ship, which were much smaller. Which was another thing.

Everything was just too different too fast. New captain, new position, new quarters. To be quite honest, that many new thing made him… concerned. It was illogical, but it was true.

Being the science officer under Captain Pike was uncomplicated. Not easy, but certainly straightforward. He had one station to monitor and no people to deal with. Now he had to work with both. And a new captain.

Captain Kirk certainly had a different flare than what Captain Pike had. In fact, Captain Pike had no flare. Captain Pike was a good captain because his orders had no emotion and were always logical. He did not fraternize with the crew, he had standards he always kept. He nearly had a Vulcan touch to how he did things, and perhaps that is why Spock found his captaincy effective. Captain Pike was efficient.

Captain Kirk, on the other hand, while new and certainly different than the Cadet Kirk Spock had met so many years ago, seemed to have an emotional attachment. Spock couldn’t truly judge the man yet because he hadn’t seen Captain Kirk in action yet, but he certainly was no Captain Pike. The efficacy and standards were different, crew morale seemed more imperative than completing a task (why else would the captain have a chess game right out of space dock?), and he was mysterious in ways Captain Pike was not. Where Captain Pike was distant because he was merely a senior officer, Captain Kirk was close to others, but kept something hidden.

Spock shoved the thoughts aside. Firstly, it was all pure speculation. Speculation was illogical. It was not fact. Secondly, Spock did not know Captain Kirk to judge anything he did anyways. And last, it was not Spock’s place to dwell on such matters. Whatever kind of captain he became, it had to emerge naturally. Besides, Starfleet had to have chosen him for a reason. It was not Spock’s job to even consider what Starfleet chose. Spock’s job was to aid his captain in any situation and continue his work as science officer on the _Enterprise_. Nothing more, nothing less.

Spock sat on his meditation mat, attempting to relax his mind and bring it to a closer state of logic. He lit three candles, and began to calm his mind.

An hour or so passed before he decided it was enough meditation for the time being. He would most likely return later that night. He blew out the candles, and decided to leave the mat out. It would fill some space in the room and would make meditation more convenient, since he wouldn’t have to bother getting it out and putting it away all of the time.

Returning to the bridge, he found an officer waiting for him there. She was a younger woman with a most peculiar hairstyle.

“May I help you?” Spock inquired.

“Yeoman Rand, sir. I have some reports from engineering that needs your approval, sir.” She handed him two PADDs.

He read through them carefully, and signed off on both. “Thank you, Yeoman. You are dismissed.”

She nodded and ducked out. Spock noted that she looked over at the captain’s chair before entering the turbolift. Spock did the same. He found the seat to be unoccupied. Spock didn’t dwell too long on the matter, it was none of his business.

He sat down at his station. He noticed that the sensors were slightly off than what they should have been upon checking them. He recalibrated them twice, but they still showed the same thing. He frowned. The only reason that should happen was if they changed course.

He stood and walked to the helm. “Lieutenant Sulu, have we changed course?”

“Yes, sir. The captain ordered it about ten minutes ago,” said Lieutenant Sulu.

“Where are we headed?” asked Spock.

He shook his head. “Couldn’t say, sir. We were just given the coordinates and nothing else.”

“Eet’s true, sir,” added the navigator. “However, sir, ve must not be going far from our original course.”

“Thank you. Your name is?”

“Ensign Pavel Chekov, sir.” The young (Russian, Spock presumed) man stuck out his hand.

Spock declined politely. “Vulcans do not shake hands, Ensign.”

“Oh. Sorry, sir.” Ensign Chekov put his hand down slightly dejectedly.

“Resume your post, sirs,” Spock said, returning to his own. “Send me the coordinates that you were sent, Lieutenant.”

He looked at the coordinates that Lieutenant Sulu had sent him. Ensign Chekov wasn’t wrong, the coordinates did appear to be somewhat near the direction they had been previously taking. When he tried searching the ship’s database for what would be at those coordinates, Spock came out emptyhanded. There was absolutely nothing there, according to Starfleet. Which was odd, because why would they be traveling to empty space? Either somehow Lieutenant Sulu had incorrect coordinates or there was something else going on.

Spock thought it through logically. It would not make much sense to make a drastic change in course, so perhaps the lieutenant’s coordinates were right. And if they weren’t, it was possible that there was only something slightly off about them. So he cross referenced the coordinates with the landmarks surrounding it. Spock was familiar with the systems surrounding that space, but to his knowledge, there truly wasn’t anything remotely near that area. But there was no reason for anyone to hide anything. Surely Starfleet wouldn’t.

After about fifteen minutes of serious digging, Spock decided that it was better left alone. If there truly was a reason for going there, it would emerge itself sooner or later. If it truly was a mistake on Lieutenant Sulu’s part, or anyone’s for that matter, it would soon be corrected. Either way, it was none of Spock’s concern. Making sure his station was up to standards was a more pressing matter in any case.

Upon searching, he found one or two systems that were not yet perfected. He assumed they may have been mismanaged by inexperienced engineers, and corrected the mistakes.

Another half hour passed and prompted the return of Yeoman Rand with more PADDs from Engineering for him to approve.

“Thank you, Yeoman,” he said, inspecting them.

He read them through twice each. Either someone was very confused, or someone was trying to play a prank on him. He assumed it was the latter, because while he didn’t fully understand practical jokes one bit, surely no one was confused enough to even bother with this.

“Yeoman, I do not understand. Why are you sending me these? If this is some joke, I am not amused,” Spock said.

Yeoman Rand blinked, surprised. “Sir, what do you mean?”

“Obviously someone must be partaking in what you call a ‘practical joke.’ Why else would someone ask you to send me these?” he asked, attempting to give her the PADDs back.

“But Commander, the Chief Engineer told me to send these to you,” she insisted. “And I don’t think he was joking.”

“Then the Chief Engineer is a foolish man. He cannot expect anyone to sign off on these.” Spock stood, still trying to hand Yeoman Rand the PADDs.

“Captain Kirk did.” She crossed her arms.

“What?” Now this certainly had to be a joke.

“I said, the captain already signed off on them. Sir.” Yeoman Rand sighed.

“We shall see about that.” Spock entered the turbolift.

Spock thought he heard Yeoman Rand say something along the lines that she was sure he would under her breath, but he couldn’t have. He was her superior, she wouldn’t sass him.

“Engineering,” Spock told the turbolift as it went down. He tucked the PADDs safely under his arm.

As soon as he stepped out of the turbolift, he quickly made his way to Engineering. Whatever was happening had to be straightened out as quickly as possible.

When he arrived, he found the place in such a state of disarray. It was abhorrent. There was not one person who wasn’t shouting something, there was tools being lobbed in every way, and not to mention the sacrilegious work being done.

He stooped low to the nearest officer, who was working on ripping out a part of a panel to refigure the wires beneath it. “Where is your chief?”

The engineer looked up from his work. “I don’t know. Could you move? You’re in my light, y’see, and I need to work on this before I do the next panel.”

Spock raised an eyebrow. “I am your superior officer and I am asking you a question. Where is the Chief of Engineering?”

The officer huffed rudely and set down his tools. “He should be over there.”

Spock walked in the direction the impolite officer pointed. There was a group of red shirted officers standing in a blob, listening to one man shout orders at them. Spock tapped the shoulder of the man giving the directions.

“Ach, what de ye want? Can’t ye see I’m givin’ out orders?” The obviously Scottish man shouted.

“I am Commander Spock. I am looking for the Chief of Engineering.” Spock said, attempting to be civil toward these engineers who clearly did not know what that meant.

The man suddenly lost his bluster. “Oh. Well, that’d be me. I’m sorry fer shoutin’ at ye. I’m Lieutenant Commander Montgomery Scott, th’ Chief Engineer.”

“Lieutenant Commander Scott, I would like to speak to you about your recent request. Preferably somewhere quieter than here.” Spock said coolly. “If you are not too busy giving out orders.”

Lt. Commander Scott rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “Ach, I’m sorry. I dinnae know who ye were, I hope ye accept my humble apology.”

Spock chose to ignore that. “Lieutenant Commander Scott, I-”

“Scotty,” blurted Lt. Commander Scott. “If ye don’t mind, I’d prefer it if ye called me Scotty.”

“Lieutenant Commander Scott,” Spock reiterated, “I would like to ask you what work is being done here that you send me this.”

The disheartened man reluctantly accepted the PADDs that Spock had thrust at him. “Sir, I don’t quite follow.”

“None of the work you are doing fits Starfleet regulations. You will discontinue the work immediately.”

“But sir, the captain already came down here. He said te keep goin’ at it.” Lt. Commander Scott insisted. “He signed off on th’ work already! Ye just missed him, he left ri’ afore ye came in.”

“He must not have understood the gravity of the situation. Call him back down here.” Spock nodded to a nearby engineer, who eagerly left to comm the bridge.

“I think he understood th’ situation just fine,” the chief asserted under his breath. He then said out loud, “Look, if ye don’t mind me sayin’, I dinnae think it’ll change anythin’ if th’ captain came back down here to say what he already said, sir.”

Spock ignored the protests and walked outside to wait for Captain Kirk’s arrival. Chief Scott followed closely behind, maintaining his argument, which Spock also ignored.

Captain Kirk arrived some minutes later. Spock, who already had enough trouble reading pointless human emotions, couldn’t even begin to speculate what the mysterious captain was feeling. Either he was amused, frustrated, or possibly both.

“Gentlemen, what’s going on here?” asked Captain Kirk.

Spock began to say “Sir, this man I making illegal modifications to the ship” just as Lt. Commander Scott said “Sir, I dinnae want te trouble ye, but this man seems te think I’m incapable of handlin’ me own ship.”

Captain Kirk held up his hands. “One at a time. Scotty?”

Chief Engineer Scott sighed. “Sir, I was just mindin’ me own business and continuin’ to finish th’ upgrades like ye said.”

“Thank you. Mr. Spock?”

“Captain, I reiterate, these are illegal modifications. They are prohibited by Starfleet for a reason. He must discontinue this practice and restore everything to its original state,” Spock insisted.

“Mr. Spock, as Mr. Scott has said, I have already signed off on these actions.” Captain Kirk reminded him gently.

Spock folded his hands behind his back. “I am aware. However, you must not have noticed that they were not up to regulation. I assume you must have been busy, for I cannot think that a captain would willingly agree to these alterations.”

“Well then, you are wrong.”

Spock stood up straighter. “Sir?”

“You’re wrong. I did willingly agree to these ‘alterations.’ Especially upon learning that they were not up to code,” said Captain Kirk.

“I fail to see how you could. You are a Starfleet captain. You must uphold Starfleet regulation.”

“See, Mr. Spock, that’s the thing. Sometimes Starfleet… isn’t always right. Mr. Scott assures me that it is safe and will, in the long run, benefit us all.” Captain Kirk nodded to Lt. Commander Scott. “And I believe him. And as I am captain, my word is final.”

“But-”

The captain cut him off. “Final, Mr. Spock.”

Captain Kirk thanked Lt. Commander Scott, and nodded a farewell to Spock. Spock, who was not yet finished with the captain, followed.

“Sir, I do not understand how you could blatantly refute Starfleet’s regulations. They are clearly there for a reason, whether or not you-”

“Mr. Spock I believe I made myself clear-”

“Whether or not you chose to understand or accept them, they are there. You cannot ignore them to fuel the Chief’s ego.”

There was a second of utter silence. Then Captain Kirk laughed. Were Spock not Vulcan, he would have been startled, shocked, and quite confused.

He sputtered out, “Spock, I had no intent of encouraging anyone’s ego.” He dropped the laugh and became the very embodiment of seriousness. “But I did give an order. You may not understand it, you may question it, hell, you may even resent me for it. But you must accept it.”

After a second of intense consideration, Spock nodded tersely. Captain Kirk’s face lightened. “Good. Now, would you like to hear why I allowed it?”

Spock nodded. “Yes, sir, I believe that would be helpful.”

“Two reasons, really,” said Captain Kirk. “First, I think it’s important to have the ship running as smoothly as possible. If my Chief Engineer cannot do that with Starfleet regulations, than I think it is extremely important that we work around that to make it possible. Whether or not you agree with me is irrelevant, it needs to be done. Secondly, not all of Starfleet’s rules, regulations, or reasons are good. You may think so because you agree with the hierarchy of Starfleet and blindly accept what they tell you, but I don’t.”

Upon gauging Spock’s look, the captain rephrased. “What I mean is, you’re a Vulcan. You don’t question authority like a human would. You accept that rules and regulations are put in place because they are absolutely necessary, and you think that their reasons are logical because they are based on some sort of fact. But they are not. Starfleet, like any institution or group, makes mistakes. What they say and do is not always law, it can be argued that some of the things they do are completely wrong and make no sense. In fact, I can show you orders that I received today that fit among those mistakes. Mr. Spock, not everything done by superiors is logical.”

Captain Kirk turned and was gone, leaving Spock to dwell on what he said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's a day later than what I said, something unexpected came up and had to be dealt with.  
> Again, I don't know anything about Scottish accents. If anyone wants to help me, please do!  
> I think there will be two or so more chapters before the story truly kicks off, so bear with me while I introduce everything!  
> As always, thanks! Have a wonderful day!


End file.
